Monday, November 30, 2009

Human Euphoria (Karşı Cinsi Etkileyici) Bayan Parfümü

HUMAN EUPHORIA (KARŞI CİNSİ ETKİLEYİCİ) BAYAN PARFÜMÜ

Euphoria Pheromone Parfüm, bilimsel olarak dizayn edilmiş insan seks hormonu ihtiva eden ve erkekleri cezp ettiği ispatlanmış yeni moda bir formüldür.Tıpkı hayvanların kokularla karşı cinsi cezbettikleri (çektikleri) gibi,insanlarda, yakınlaşılabilir olma,erkeklerle tanışma ve onların dikkatini çekme ve size hayran olma şanslarını büyük ölçüde yükseltebilen pheromone’ye cevap verirler.

Bu tabii afrodizyak, izolasyonlu ve eşsiz pheromone bileşimlerinin gerekli yağlarla karıştırılmasıyla güzel bir koku olarak yaratılırki, bunun neticesinde ürün erkekleri çılgına çevirir!… Kendinizi daha sık çekici bulacaksınız,erkeklerin bakışı ve gülümsemesi üzerinizde olacak ve kendinizi daha güvenli ve seksi hissedeceksiniz.

Seksüel davranışları ortaya çıkartan pheromone tabii kimyasallar olarak hayvanlarda ve insanlarda bulunur ve karşı cinsi cezp etmek için kullanılır.Bilim adamları, bu insan seks hormonunu tanımlamayı,izole etmeyi ve tekrardan yaratmayı başardılar.Bu tabii pheromone’ların çok güçlü seksüel cevapları tetikledikleri belgelendi.

Koku farklarını burundaki Oflantory bezi belirler. Pheromone, Vomeronasal Organ (VNO) tarafından bulunur ki bu organ direkt olarak burun altındaki geniz boşluğunda lokalize edilmiştir.VNO, pheromone sinyalini aldığında vücudu uyaran beyine mesaj gönderir ve seksüel arzunun bilinç altı yükselmesini yaratır.

Pheromone nasıl kullanır? Pheromone, herhangi bir kolonyayı kullandığınız gibi kullanılabilinir. Boynunuza,dirsekle bilek arasına veya vücudunuzun herhangi bir bölümüne uygulayın.Karşı cinsin dikkatini çekmekle ilgilendiğiniz veya uyarıcılığın gücünü hissetmek istediğiniz her hangi bir zamanda kullanılabilinir.İş hayatında kazanmak için gündelik temel işlerde, okulda veya herhangi bir sosyal aktivitede kullanılabilinir.

Medya Raporları: Seksüel davranışlarda insan pheromone’ları ve onların etkileri son birkaç yılda araştırıldı ve iyice belgelendirildi. Dergilerin, gazetelerin, televizyonların, araştırma enstitülerinin ve onların pheromone hakkındaki raporlarının listesi aşağıdadır.

New York Times – İnsan pheromonları bilimsel gerçeğin zevkidir.Deneyler, biyolojiyi ve bir başkasının davranışlarını etkileyebilen , özel bir şekilde üretilmiş insan pheromone’ları bileşimlerinin varlıklarının ilk kanıtını sunmaktadır.

Web MD – İnsanların % 74′ü test etti…sarılmanın, öpüşmenin ve cinsel birleşmenin artımında denendi.Eğer rüyalarınızın kadınını veya erkeğini arıyorsanız, pheromone’lar cinsel çekicilikte son derece mantıklı, büyük ve çok akıllı bir rol oynuyor.

CNN – İnceleme, insanların pheromone’a tepki gösterdiğini buldu…İnsanlar pheromone’u üretti ve cevap verdi.

ABC NEWS – Sonuç önemlidir..Sonuç olarak diyebilirizki “bak, insanlar tarafından etkileniyoruz”.

Lifestyle Magazine – Pheromone, kadınların bilinçli olarak koklamadığı bir şeydir, koku alma sinirlerinde çalışır (etkilidir).Kadın erkeği çekici bulur , fakat sebebini bilmez.

The Daily Telegraph – ” Pheromone’lar insan davranışlarını zor fark edilen (zekice) bir yolla etkiliyor.Kadınlar koku ile cezbediliyor.

Howard Hughes Medical Institute – Güçlü bir seks çekimcisi…

bu parfümü sıkan bayandan etkilenmemek mümkün değil,ürünün satış fiyatı : 79.00 TL.ürünü satın almak istiyorsanız lütfen TIKLAYINIZ.

[Via http://istekartirici.wordpress.com]

WHO mener Norge ligger etter i revisjon av seksuelle diagnoser

ReviseF65 har sendt ut en pressemelding om at man internt i WHO er kritiske til at Norge er det eneste landet i Skandinavia som fortsatt ikke har fjernet fetisjisme, sadomasochisme og transvesittisme fra diagnoselisten. Folk defineres altså fortsatt som syke på grunnlag av deres preferanser i senga. WHO hadde håpet å få drahjelp fra alle de skandinaviske landene, som anses som foregangsland på dette området. Sverige har nylig fjernet diagnosene, og Danmark gjorde det allerede på midten av 90-tallet. Å revidere diagnoselisten anses som et viktig tiltak mot HIV og AIDS, da diskriminering og mørkelegging gjerne øker risikofylt aktivitet.

[Via http://borgerrettigheter.wordpress.com]

Friday, November 27, 2009

Cirque del Vida

Like TV news on repeat
Life is the cycle, every man is pedalling
On journey to great feats
Creative roads we be bevelling using our feet creating tracks,
Testing mettle because a struggle’s just a puddle that we meddle in
Gold medalling because we’re in tune when we’re fettling
Revelling in melodies that we make love and listen to
Perforating the edge of reason, painting it a kind of blue
See we all bring a kind of hue,
A friend is artist that paints life, love and pain with you
But we download on the down low so check your motives and thoughts
Before engaging strangers in verbal intercourse
Before riding luck and lust like a thoroughbred horse
Pause
Which Willy Wonka do you really want in your sugar walls
Who will you let have a ball in your mall
All in All, some say chocolate is better than sex
Yet for symbolic histrionics, special effects, bedroom pyrotechs
Money, power, respect, never confuse sexcess with success
My seed fertilises heads through conversations of mutual depths
In lighting fires the tongue is matchless
Even though rumours abound that mounds of blackness gun for success with fusion missions
Beyond atom splitting and trying to fit in, everyman goes human fishing
At some point you’re going to be hooked

[Via http://poetic7poetry.wordpress.com]

Greu, da' greu de tot

Il cunosc eu pe un tip, simpatic asa de felul lui, dar chitit sa mi-o traga cat mai repede. Ca sa nu jucam rolul Fecioarei, e clar ca si eu tot acolo bateam, dar vroiam sa ne mai cunoastem, sa ne mai pupam, sa ne mai vorbim etc. E, si la un moment dat am cam exagerat. Mergeam la el, baiatul hai, eu nu. Venea la mine, idem.

Acuma, omu’ saracu’ nu zicea nimic. Mai glumeam, mai alea alea. S-a intamplat ca el sa plece din oras vreo doua saptamani si uite asa a trecut timpul si am ajuns la ziua cea mare. Trecusera doua luni si noi nimic.

Iata cum a decurs ziua cea mare:

ora 8: vine el la mine, eu tot nu si nu, el calare pe situatie, ba da, ba da

ora 14: a plecat de la mine invins. Nu se intamplase nimic.

ora 16: ne intalnim in oras

ora 17: suntem la el acasa

ora 17.15 – Prima incercare: la sora lui in camera, citez “la mine in camera e dezordine”. Si ne incalzim noi si ne dezbracam si vine frateleui acasa. Ne imbracam repede, iesim din camera, fumam o tigara.

ora 17:30 – A doua incercare: tot la sora lui, fix cand sa inceapa actiunea, vine ea acasa. Ne imbracam, iesim din camera, fumam o tigara.

ora 18: – A treia incercare, acum la el in camera, deja faza cu scosul hainelor nu mai e nici romantica, nici sexy, le scoatem repede, el se arunca pe mine, eu ca idioata ridic maina cu pumnul strans si ii dau una in gura. Ne imbracam, iesim din camera, fumam o tigara.

ora 18:15: A patra incercare, mozolit, dezbracat, sculat, prezervativ, el se arunca si eu ii dau un genunchi in coaie. Da. Ne imbracam, iesim din camera, fumam o tigara.

In ziua aia am reuntat. Nici macar n-am mai incercat. El a plecat din oras vreo trei saptamani si cand s-a intors s-a intamplat si evenimentul. Intr-o seara, pe la 1 noaptea, asta dupa ce ne-am chinuit de pe la 10 pentru ca iar au inceput ghinioanele, sora lui acasa, nu avea prezervativ si … la un moment dat mr big al lui nu reactiona…

Morala: fetelor, bateti **** cat e calda ca altfel..ne imbracam, iesim din camera, fumam o tigara.

 

Long, dirty girl talk

 

[Via http://backandyard.wordpress.com]

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

“Me, Prince, or Machiavelli

A Prince should play an instrument,
but never be played like one.

He should fall in love
like a rock star jumping off a piano,
and stay in love until he can’t
jump off pianos any more.

And though his bed may have
the feel of a mushy banana, the mattress
should be as firm as his jaw.

“You’re good,” she said.
I answered, “How good?”
“As good as a guitar string plucked
just right.  Damn good.” 

“But not good enough,” I said, “to keep my wallet
in my back pocket.”

“Aha! Is that why no one gets close to you?”

Touché. 

She hopped out of bed like a cricket,
actually rubbed her left foot
against her right shin, and pointed at me,

“You’ve been here before; alive, living.”

“I see.” We’ve been at it too long, I figured,
staring at my legs, still tangled
in maroon sheets, every inch of this bed
displaying signs of what we could do in the dark. 

The wise man keeps his secrets
beneath his bed, not on top.

“You were a Prince,” she said at last.

“No, no, no, Sweetie, I just like his music.”

She stared at me as if I were a letter
from an unrecognized address.

“Give me a hug,” I ordered.

When she emitted a wide-mouthed,
head-tilted laugh, I added, “Okay, so
I’d rather be loved than feared.  Sue me.”

With that, she grabbed me like a cello
and began to play.

[Via http://estrangements.wordpress.com]

20 Perempuan Indonesia Meninggal Setiap Hari (Kanker serviks bagian 2)

Setiap dua menit seorang perempuan di dunia meninggal akibat kanker serviks/kanker leher rahim. Sedangkan di Indonesia, diperkirakan 20 perempuan meninggal setiap hari karena kanker leher rahim. Kanker jenis ini merupakan pembunuh nomor satu di Indonesia.

“Itu berdasarkan data Badan Yayasan Kanker Indonesia,” kata Dr. Zulkarnain H. Sp.O.g. dari RSUAM saat Seminar Nasional yang bertajuk Peduli dan Berbagi, Pelita bagi Mereka. Seminar digelar Yayasan Kanker Indonesia (YKI) Cabang Lampung di Balai Keratun, Kamis, 22/5-2008.

Dari data yang pernah dihimpun oleh YKI dari 13 rumah sakit di Indonesia, ditemukan bahwa dari 10 jenis kanker paling banyak diderita di Indonesia, kanker rahim dan payudara menduduki angka tertinggi, yaitu 4.283 dan 2.993. Fakta ini membuktikan kaum perempuan merupakan golongan paling berisiko terkena kanker dibanding lelaki.

Zulkarnain mengatakan dampak kanker serviks pada perempuan dimulai pada usia produktif antara 30 sampai 50 tahun. Dalam hal itu, yang bersangkutan juga memiliki gangguan kualitas hidup psikis dan kesehatan seksual.

“Ini pengaruh pada perawatan, pendidikan anak, dan suasana kehidupan keluarga serta dampak sosial dan ekonomi/finansial,” kata dia.

Faktor penyebab terjadinya kanker leher rahim pada perempuan di antaranya karena menikah muda, kehamilan yang sering, merokok, penggunaan kontrasepsi oral jangka panjang, dan infeksi menular seksual.

Gejala yang ditimbulkan dari awal kanker serviks/lehar rahim kebanyakan infeksi berlangsung tanpa gejala. Apabila kanker sudah mengalami progresif/peningkatan, akan muncul gejala seperti pendarahan pada organ kewanitaan, keputihan (bercampur darah dan berbau), nyeri panggul, dan tidak dapat buang air kecil.

Kanker serviks/leher rahim kebanyakan diketahui sebagian perempuan setelah berstadium lanjut. Gal ini justru dapat mengakibatkan kerugian bagi organ tubuh di sekitarnya dan dapat menyebabkan kematian.

Menurut Zulkarnain, pencegahan kanker leher rahim bisa dilakukan dengan dua cara. Pertama dengan pengetahuan/pendidikan mengurangi perilaku seksual risiko tinggi. Kedua dengan vaksinasi untuk pencegahan infeksi dan deteksi dini terhadap infeksi kanker leher rahim.

Ketua Umum YKI Dr. P.P. Gultom mengatakan sebagian besar penyakit kanker menyerang alat reproduksi wanita. Penyebab utama wanita terserang pap smear/kanker leher rahim, di antaranya mulai melakukan hubungan seks pada usia muda, sering berganti-ganti pasangan seksual tanpa menggunakan alat pengaman, sering menderita infeksi di daerah kelamin, melahirkan banyak anak, kebiasaan merokok, dan kekurangan vitamin A, C, dan E.

Selain itu, kanker juga bisa terjadi pada laki-laki perokok aktif, yakni dengan munculnya kanker paru-paru yang mematikan. Sebab, rokok dapat membahayakan kesehatan.

“Untuk itu, lembaga kesehatan dapat mengembangkan pengetahuan pada masyarakat tentang bahaya rokok,” kata Gultom. Dengan adanya lembaga YKI di Lampung, paling tidak membantu mengurangi tingkat kematian akibat penyakit kanker.

Seminar diikuti sekitar 400 orang dari IDI wilayah Lampung dan perwakilan dari BKKBN kabupaten/kota. Seminar digelar dalam rangka memperingati HUT YKI ke-31. Tujuannya, menyebarluaskan informasi pada masyarakat baik di lingkungan, lembaga untuk mencegah kanker yang dihinggapi kaum wanita di Provinsi Lampung, sekaligus membentuk dan mengaktifkan kembali 11 cabang yayasan kanker yang ada di kabupaten/kota.

Selain itu juga membantu masyarakat untuk mengatasi permasalahan penyakit kanker dan memberikan penanggulangan serta deteksi dini bagi masyarakat. Tujuannya, membangun kesehatan demi mencapai kesejahteraan di lingkungan. (ant/ly)

Sumber :
http://www.rileks.com/lifestyle/trendz/women/11102-20-perempuan-indonesia-meninggal-setiap-hari-karena-kanker.html

[Via http://ceritakasih.wordpress.com]

Monday, November 23, 2009

Cosmopolitan varianta masculina

Cum ar fi daca barbatii ar scrie o revista dedicata femeilor. Uite asa! In ton cu starea mea amuzata.

Intrebare: Sotul meu si-ar dori o partida de sex in trei impreuna cu mine si cu prietena mea cea mai buna. Ce sa fac?

Raspuns: Este evident ca sotul nu se mai satura de dumneavoastra. Nici nu se pune in discutie ca va confruntati cu o problema de cuplu. Din contra, aceasta experienta va poate apropia si mai mult. De ce sa nu implicati si niste colege de camera, pe langa prietena dumneavoastra?

Si, daca vreti intr-adevar ca relatia dumneavoastra sa decurga excelent, retrageti-va si lasati-va prietenele singure cu sotul. Daca nu sunteti sigura ca e bine sa actionati astfel, sfatul meu este sa-i faceti barbatului dumneavoastra un sex oral dupa care sa gatiti o masa gustoasa!

Intrebare: Sotul meu imi cere tot timpul sa-i fac sex oral! Ce sa fac?

Raspuns: Faceti ce va cere! Va poate ajuta sa slabiti, iar pielea dumneavoastra va capata un luciu aparte. Barbatii stiu asta si de aia cer. In realitate, vor sa le faca bine partenerelor. Este o dovada de dragoste!

Cel mai bun sfat pe care pot sa vi-l dau este sa faceti sex oral partenerului de doua ori pe zi, pentru a va mentine in forma, dupa care, gatiti-i o masa gustoasa!

Intrebare: Sotul meu petrece prea multe nopti cu prietenii sai! Ce sa fac?

Raspuns: Acest comportament este foarte natural si ar trebui incurajat. Barbatul este un vanator si e nevoie sa-si dovedeasca priceperea in fata altor masculi. O noapte departe de casa, in compania fetelor necunoscute, il elibereaza complet de stres astfel ca se intoarce acasa mai fericit si mai relaxat.

Nu uitati: nimic nu intareste mai tare o relatie decat faptul ca barbatul este plecat una-doua zile pe saptamana departe de casa. Puteti sa profitati de acest timp si sa faceti o curatenie generala! Veti fi uimita ce fericit si dragastos va fi cand se va intoarce acasa. Ca sa-l surprindeti in mod placut, chemati-va o prietena si faceti-i amandoua un sex oral, dupa care gatiti o masa gustoasa!

Intrebare: Sotul meu nu stie unde e clitorisul meu. Ce sa fac?
Raspuns: Clitorisul dumneavoastra nu este problema sotului! Sfatul meu este sa va ocupati singura
de acesata zona si sa chemati o prietena sa va ajute. Puteti sa va filmati si sa-i faceti cadou caseta sotului, de ziua lui. Pentru a scapa de remuscarile ca ati fost egoista, faceti-i un sex oral si gatiti o masa gustoasa!

Intrebare: Sotul meu sare mereu peste preludiu. Ce sa fac?

Raspuns: Sunteti o persoana insensibila ca ati adus in discutie o astfel de tema. Acest subiect este foarte stresant pentru barbati si consuma foarte mult timp. Sexul ar trebui sa fie disponibil oricand pentru sotul dumneavoastra, fara preludiu. Sunteti foarte egoista si faptul ca vreti preludiu dovedeste ca nu va iubiti partenerul suficient.

Dacal-ati iubi, nu ati avea nevoie de preludiu pentru a va excita. Ar fi bine sa-l rasplatiti pe barbatul dumneavoastra cu un sex oral si cu o masa gustoasa!

Intrebare: Sotul meu are intotdeauna orgasm inaintea mea dupa care adoarme. Ce sa fac?

Raspuns: Nu inteleg unde este problema. Probabil ca ati uitat sa-i gatiti o masa gustoasa!

Foto: sueczech.wordpress.com

[Via http://evergreenstory.wordpress.com]

Naked young man sitting in my mind.

Jeune Homme Nu Assis au Bord de la Mer- Jean-Hippolyte Flandrin

At night,in the moments before sleep, I let my half-formed erotic thoughts unwind in my brain. I am limited by nothing but my imagination, which is vast and innovative in its more complex fantasies, but at these quiet moments, I can not seem to help but turn my mind to the same form, a certain body that I can never seem to entirely get out of my head. It’s impossible for me to say why this body, of all the ones I have touched or seen or held is the one my hands most want to grasp and my mouth most wants to taste.

There is no way to account for that electric jolt that one body gives another. I could attempt to determine the virtues of its form, but in the end I would just fall back on description without explanation. There is no particularl reason why this or that arrangement of skin upon muscle upon bone should be more exiciting then any other. It is just that that grotesque parasite Desire and its mate Obsession have latched onto to my brain. If you don’t share my affliction, I could not infect you if I tried, mores the pity. Because this body, this body- I am diseased, and one of my symptoms is that I can not imagine not appreciating it. Or him, if I am to avoid objectififying that obscure object. His body is pink and pale. It is soft, but the softness is deceptive. It is soft, but it does not yield. I am torn between my love for his skin and its senous pleasures- to smell, to taste, to touch- and my frustration at is maddening opacity. Skin is a barrier, a covering after all, but that does make where it opens to let out or in all that much more delicious. And there is the exquisite span of his shoulders. And the line of his back, tapering down to the waist, more elegant than any hourglass. And the swell of his ass- my favorite part, if one could ever be picked. It is a body I want to do things to. To touch and probe and possess and contain and consume. In the times (still not nearly enough- oh, I am greedy…) I have been granted the physical contact I crave, I have yet to find an activity that will truly satisfy my desire. There is always something else I can do. If I wrap my own body around it, I still can not touch every part at once. I can taste it only a piece at a time and I can only enter it with such a small part of myself. This longing seems to be without an endpoint, without a goal- not anyone’s orgasm, not some advanced spiritual state. Everything I could do would just beget more desire and so on. If Desire and Obsession could have their way, our two bodies would be reduced to some endlessly gyrating, sweaty tangle of flesh. But I have little choice to reign in these demons entirely. I have little choice but to let them play their games with my thoughts as I lay in bed, until my limbs nearly ache with want, and heavily, suddenly, I can fall into sleep at last.

[Via http://chewingonshadows.wordpress.com]

Friday, November 20, 2009

Move over Viagra, now there's sex GUM!

While buying suntan lotion at Walgreen’s in South Beach I came across Sexlet – the sex gum, at the check out counter. Talk about an impulse buy! I have to admit I find the name rather annoying. Are they trying to do a play on sex and chicklets? Not working for me.

Nonetheless, I was intrigued by the package and then drawn in by the claims on the counter card:

Sexlets™ for him (kind of put off that there is no Sexlets for her) claims to be a proprietary blend of natural male stimulating ingredients (boring so far) which are directly absorbed into the the body’s bloodstream (still very boring). Chewing the gum releases these natural actives and allow absorption through the capillaries (what is this, middle school health class sex, how disappointing). Then a whole bunch of digestive system stuff – talk about a buzz kill. And THEN…

….which cause an increase in blood flow (hmmm, blood flow moves in the right direction). This consequently makes for a larger, thicker penis with longer, harder, firmer and more powerful erections. (NOW we’re talkin’ – oh jeez, mom, so sorry, I know you are reading this).

Wait, all this from GUM? OTC? What a claim. Send a case to everyone for the holidays!

Now, I bet you would expect the follow-up line to be, ” If you have an erection for more than 4 hours, call your doctor.” But no, not this product. Their following line is: “Chewing gum promotes saliva which according to dentists (Dr. Jimmy, please confirm) helps maintain clean and healthy teeth and gums by eliminating promotion of bacteria”. Hey don’t know about you guys but talk of mouth bacteria surely does not put me in the mood.

So I bought this pack of gum and all weekend this became a great running joke. Wow, hot looking waiter, ask him if he needs gum. Hey the towel boy at the pool is a babe, think he needs some gum?

Ok, so we never gave any out. But I do have a pack here if anyone is interested. Maybe I should run a giveaway! Give me your most embarrassing dating story and I will send you a pack.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Timing is Everything

No, I’m not talking about the “right place, right time” sort of timing. I’m talking about realistic expectations about the development of a relationship. Mike’s written two posts recently that contained passing references to time frames that twisted my brain into knots. One was his attempt at getting inside a woman’s head with a recitation of the things she might have wanted to consider before giving up and moving on.

I disagreed with almost everything Mike said in that post, but one thing that really jumped out at me was that he was talking about a woman giving up on a relationship because she wasn’t getting the level of serious response she wanted after three weeks.  And I just kept thinking, “didn’t give her his heart”?  In three weeks?  Really?   I’d be a lot more concerned about a guy who thought he WAS “giving me his heart” in three weeks.  I could flip a coin, maybe:  Liar?  Or just an immature guy who has no idea what love is?  Either way, he’s not stellar relationship material.

I had the same reaction when I read Mike’s post about introducing women to his daughter, and learned that some women felt it was unreasonable that he didn’t want to make it a family affair in the first few weeks. In my mind, the “couple of months” Mike mentioned was wildly ambitious.  Of course every situation is different, but in my mind the reasonable point to start thinking about introducing someone to my daughter is between six months and a year.

And then, just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, I read a discussion in an online forum in which it seemed that a large number of people thought that if there hadn’t been sex by the third date, something was missing and you’d better just move on.

I can’t help but think these accelerated time-frames are part of the reason that endings are so accelerated as well.  False intimacy is created when we say “I love you” after two weeks, to someone we barely know.  False intimacy is created when we have sex with someone we’ve been dating for a month (and think that’s “waiting”, because so many people would have done it the first night).  False intimacy is created when we drag someone we barely know into the tableau of our family and try to create not just one relationship on a foundation of sand, but many.  And when that false intimacy doesn’t hold up, we break up, move out, get divorced, move on and start the whole thing over again.

Maybe, if we’d all slow down in the beginning, the ending wouldn’t come upon us quite so quickly.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Male Star Speaks in Three-Way Sex Tape Scandal...

 

The Miss Universe sex tape is only half as authentic as once believed — one of the women in the scandalous video is NOT a world-class beauty pageant winner, this according to the conductor of the 3-way naked train himself.

TMZ spoke with Wyatt Gallery — the fine arts photographer who was literally caught in the middle of the drama — who tells us some scumbag ripped the footage from his laptop computer in an attempt to sabotage Miss Trinidad and Tobago’s career.

While Gallery confirms that his long-term girlfriend, Anya Ayoung-Chee aka Miss T&T 2008, did co-star in the video, the other woman — believed to have been Miss Japan 2008 — is NOT Hiroko Mima after all … just a really, really, really close friend.

Now here’s the real scandalous part of the story: Gallery tells us he believes the footage — shot in New York back in 2007 — was stolen from his laptop when he took it to a Trinidad computer shop for repairs.

Gallery says, “I feel horrible and embarrassed for Anya, her family and myself … because this was a private moment that was never supposed to be made public.” He adds, “This was an intentional, malicious sabotage against Anya and her career … and I feel stupid for not deleting the files off of my computer.”

Gallery tells us he has a legal team looking into the matter and plans on suing anyone who continues to distribute the tape.

Top Ten Hip-Hop And R&B Songs

Top Ten Hip-Hop And R&B Songs *************************************
1.
Pretty Wings
Maxwell
*************************************
2.
Empire State Of Mind
Jay-Z + Alicia Keys
*************************************
3.
Forever
Drake Featuring Kanye West, Lil Wayne & Eminem
*************************************
4.
Papers
Usher
*************************************
5.
Wasted
Gucci Mane Featuring Plies Or OJ Da Juiceman
*************************************
6.
I Invented Sex
Trey Songz Featuring Drake
*************************************
7.
Bad Habits
Maxwell
*************************************
8.
Regret
LeToya Featuring Ludacris
*************************************
9.
Number One
R. Kelly Featuring Keri Hilson
*************************************
10.
Under
Pleasure P
*************************************

Monday, November 16, 2009

Somehow this never came up in the Batman movies.

Bats Have Creative Sex Lives

“…researchers have documented fellatio in bats, marking the first time oral sex has been seen in an animal other than a primate.

Biologist Libiao Zhang made the discovery while studying the behavior of short-nosed fruit bats, Cynopterus sphinx, in Guangzhou, China. Zhang and his team placed males and females of this species in cages outfitted like mini love suites, mimicking where the bats would have sex in the wild. Little did the bats know that they were being spied upon with infrared cameras that sent images back to Zhang’s lab.”

 

Foxy Lady

Megan Fox in FHM

What are photographers saying to women when they’re posing like this in men’s magazines? Is it the same crap they say for the high school yearbook photos? “Hey there, pretty girl. Chin up. That’s right…”

But then, no one really needs to tell Megan Fox how pretty she is. She’s very well aware. (Gorgeous eyes and I do love this shot.)

I came across an interview with Fox in New York Times Magazine that I feel raises pertinent issues about women in Hollywood, particularly young, hot women in Hollywood.

The article, titled “The Self Manufacture of Megan Fox”, addresses Fox’s canny manipulation of the media. She’s managed to keep herself squarely in the spotlight despite the fact that she’s only made three films, albeit two huge blockbusters, Transformers and Transformers II (sheesh). Through a series of provocative interviews, seemingly off-the-cuff controversial remarks and ubiquitous photo spreads she’s become Hollywood’s next BIG THING. It seems innocuous, at this point, to mention that she’s not an actor.

Well, not by my definition anyway. An actor is someone who has studied acting as a craft, not as a means to gain notoriety, fame and lots of cold hard cash. An actor takes a written work in any genre and brings the story alive, delves deeply into character and takes the audience on a cathartic journey. Hollywood could give a shit less about any of that. Actors are products designed to make money and for many (not all) producers, studio executives and publicists the “sexy starlet” is the easiest path to a paycheck. That only works, however, if the starlet in question allows it to be so.

“All women in Hollywood are known as sex symbols. You’re sold, and it’s based on sex. That’s O.K., if you know how to use it.”

You know, I don’t think Kate Winslet got that memo. If she didn’t, I don’t want to be the one to give it to her. It takes talent and hard work to create the memorable performances that actresses like Winslet, Cate Blanchett, Anne Hathaway, Christina Hendricks and Elizabeth Mitchell deliver. What saddens me about the immediate fame Megan Fox cultivates is that it may prevent her from pursuing the gift that is acting. Learning the craft, failing at it, hitting the boards night after night, finding something within yourself that you never knew was there, the glorious sound of riotous laughter from an engaged audience, the moment when you and your fellow actors realize you finally, finally got it right.

I don’t blame Megan Fox for pursuing her dream. I blame the people who cast her. When women like Fox, who freely admits her lack of acumen,

“I’m not one of these people who grew up studying acting or went to theater school,” Fox told me at the hotel. “I don’t know if I’m talented, I don’t know what I can do or can’t do. I had no skills at all.”

are cast in film after film based on their look and celebrity what message does that send young female actors? Quit the whole Stanislavsky thing! Get a nose job and an attitude, honey! Why should any hot, young girl think she has to act to be a star? Why should any hot, young girl think she has to act to be an actor?

I don’t have a problem with Fox’s beauty or her use of it to further her career. Beauty is a useful tool in this business but it can’t be the only one you rely on. I don’t begrudge her the wonderful, amazing opportunity that’s been dumped in her lap. I just don’t want her to sell herself, and us, short.

Friday, November 13, 2009

The Enemies Of Love, Part Twelve: Television

This piece should be pretty short and to the point.

Television can be one of the enemies of love. I should say that watching too much television can negatively affect your love life.

If you spend hours upon hours staring at your television, that means that you are likely spending much less time with your lady. She will likely want to spend time talking to you, not grunting at the TV screen or only speaking at commercial breaks.

With the wide variety of programming available to viewers today, you can catch movies, news, sports or porn pretty much 24/7. So which one is your addiction?

I’m less concerned about your addiction to news or old movies than I am about porn. Pornography can have a very negative affect on your relationship. Few people can watch porn and use it as a sex life enhancer. Usually, the viewer gets images drilled into his head (no pun intended) of sex acts that aren’t going to happen in his life. So, if he develops a strong desire to mimic those sex acts with his lady, and she doesn’t agree, you have conflict and dissatisfaction. If the addictive desire is strong enough, he’ll find satisfaction SOME way.

Some women like looking at porn, and think it’s a turn-on. But most are thinking that you are fantasizing about the women in the porn and most women are comparing their bodies to the porn stars…and not in a good way.

I understand visual images and the desire to try new things…that’s what we talk about here. But any addictive behavior changes you, and your lady might not put up with your changes.

So, if you are spending too much time in front of the tube, either find a woman who likes that kind of behavior, or change yourself…or stay single. Being in a relationship with a woman is supposed to be about spending time with her. And, your life is supposed to be about living in balance.

We’ve seen twelve enemies of love in this series. Are there enemies that we’ve not discussed that you would like to see mentioned? Feel free to write with comments.

Fight the enemies of love. Become a Great Lover.

How To Name Your Penis (Or The Penis of a Friend) By Using Presidential Figures As Examples

Ladies and gentlemen…

Penis.

The very word arouses laughter and causes embarrassed ejaculations of…okay, enough puns. There are going to be PLENTY later on.

Anyways, as men, many of you realize the definite importance of naming your wedding tackle appropriately. You can’t do something like “Fuzzles”. That’s fucking weak-sounding. As does ANYTHING that is just a first name. John. Mark. Paul. And so forth. These are weak and impotent names that make you sound…well…weak and impotent. You need manly names. Proud names. Names that will make you stand erect and say “I am man! See my cock!”

Yet, this can be difficult. Much effort goes into the decision-making process, as it should. However, we here at DECF are here to help by giving you a comprehensive guide to naming your penis. This entry is United States Presidents. Come and join me as we get started.

If you enjoy having sex with virgins, name it George Washington. Think back to what he cut down in urban legend. You’ll get it.

If you have a sexual fetish for extraterrestrials, name it John Adams. Sedition Act, what?

If you have ‘jungle fever’, name it Thomas Jefferson. This also works especially well if you’re into BDSM.

If you have a special affinity for women in New Orleans, name it James Madison. Hookers are even better.

If you like making women feel good, name it James Monroe. Yes, this is obscure. Fuck you.

If you feel inadequate when compared to your father and want to make up for it, name it John Quincy Adams. You know HE did.

If you like referring to it as ‘Old Hickory’, name it Andrew Jackson. This also works if you like raping Native American women and making them cry.

If you like people asking what’s so special about it, name it Martin Van Buren. Seriously, does ANYONE know what he did?

If you are a premature ejaculator with weak erections, name it William Henry Harrison. This might be one to…you know, keep to yourself.

If you like taking Texan girls against their will, name it John Tyler. Also, if you fill in where WHH up there fails sexually.

If you have had it referred to by They Might Be Giants, name it James K. Polk. /end obscure music reference

If you like it rough and are always ready, name it Zachary Taylor. Good gravy, nicknames are helpful for this.

If you are quite well endowed, name it Millard Fillmore. Get it? Because you can “fill more” pussy…never mind.

If you have a Prince Albert, name it Franklin Pierce. Yet another one I’m not proud of.

If you are so lame that people can’t even make fun of you, name it James Buchanan. Pain in my ass…

If you refer to ejaculation as ‘freeing the slaves’ and/or go au naturale with the ‘forest’, name it Abraham Lincoln. Probably a log cabin joke there too.

If you have been thrown out of bed for being terrible, name it Andrew Johnson. This one already fits with the genital puns anyways.

If you have had ‘crotch rot’, name it Ulysses S. Grant. See, because you had ‘corruption’ and HE had corruption.

If you have ‘yellow fever’, name it Rutherford B. Hayes. Holy BALLS is this one obscure.

If you hate Mondays, name it James A. Garfield. Wait…fuck.

If you have managed to convince people to sleep with you even though they hated you, name it Chester A. Arthur. The history! It burns!

If you can come twice in fairly rapid succession, name it Grover Cleveland. And if you can’t come at all…you shouldn’t be with a woman.

If you…you know what, I can’t even fucking FIND one for this. If you name your dick Benjamin Harrison…well, good luck.

If you have had your prowess referred to as the ‘gold standard’, name it William McKinley. This also works if your ex who hates you is Polish.

If you have been called a ‘bull moose’ in terms of fuckin’, name it Theodore Roosevelt. Also appropriate for if you like her riding you rough.

If you have one that’s fat but ineffectual, name it William Howard Taft. You should totally ask her if she wants to take a bath, as well.

If you are willing to go with a cheap joke instead of doing actual witty research, name it Woodrow Wilson. Oh come on. Like I wouldn’t go with a “woody reference”.

If you enjoy getting ‘dome’, name it Warren G. Harding. Just make sure you sing “I’m A Little Teapot” which getting it.

If you stay silent during sex, name it Calvin Coolidge. Yeah…you lose. I guess.

If you suck at what you do, name it Herbert Hoover. I…I am so sorry.

If you have ever had sex so good you couldn’t walk after, name it Franklin Delano Roosevelt. I was not going to go for the cheap incest crack, thank you very much.

If you come with the force of an atom bomb, name it Harry S. Truman. Also if you come during doggy-style (aka ‘behind’)…yeah, I know.

If you have named it affectionately ‘Ike’, name it Dwight D. Eisenhower. Longer name implies longer penis. True story.

If you absolutely love getting head, name it John F. Kennedy. Oh thank God…finally an easy one.

If you have gotten yourself into a situation with no good way out of it, name it Lyndon B. Johnson. Um. Yeah. Moving on.

If you like having sex with squirters, name it Richard Nixon. Because the vagina is the gate to the female soul. Get it?

If you have ever been a substitute because a boy couldn’t quite make it, name it Gerald Ford. And you, of course, can’t stay too long.

If you like exploiting the homeless for your own selfish needs, name it Jimmy Carter. Or you could, you know, be doing good with it too, I guess.

If you like girls snowballing each other with your seed, name it Ronald Reagan. Gahhhhh…okay this one is gross.

If you enjoy going down on a girl, name it George H.W. Bush. See, because you’re “reading their lips”…

If you have an unnatural fascination with cigars and apparently Freud, name it Bill Clinton. This one actually had too many jokes to make with it.

If you have fucked a girl and she’s said ‘Your dad’s better’, name it George W. Bush. Again, way, way too many to make with this.

and finally,

If you have gotten a date with the hottest girl you know and have been hyped way the fuck up but just can’t quite deliver the goods, name it Barack Obama. Also if you’re a black guy.

Guh. Two months later, this damn one’s finished. I gotta tell you, ladies and gents. We have had some shitty, shitty Presidents in our country’s history. But surely we won’t ever make that mistake again…right? Right?

Enjoy this thing.

Oh, and tits.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Swellco Approved: The Nekromantik Films

Is that a maggot in your mouth or are you just happy to see me?

Back in college I had the bright idea of watching both Nekromantik I & II alone, after eating 3 ounces of mushrooms. It induced a full psychotic break in me. But strangely not until about two hours after I had watched them. It’s not the gruesome corpses, the relatively minimal violence (minimal for most horror films) or the gore. It was the MUSIC, the feeling of the films. Nekromantik I & II are ROMANCES.

The films are quiet, sweet and strangely tender. Watching them, you feel completely insane, like you are having a really weird nightmare. Add a shit load of psybocilin and things get ugly. I started questioning everything about me. What was wrong with me that I could even watch something like this? What was wrong with the world that this could even be conceived? I started pondering the idea of throwing out Mr. Twerpyworth my pet cat that I had preserved in a pickle jar full of formaldehyde. Did that huge blown up photo of the burning monk really need to be hanging over my mantle place? Maybe I should release that sweet old man that I had shackled in my basement. I was so freaked out and the trip the Nekromantik films induced was so bad that I actually tried to hide in my oven for 6 hours.

As art goes, the Nekromantik films are complete success, but like so much art that pushes the boundaries and provokes you to face the dark side, you have to ask if that success is really a victory or a defeat for humanity. In the end I say they are important films, just don’t watch them on drugs, and make sure you’ve rented some Disney for after you’re done.

-Annette Garcia
Swellco & Swellco 54823a

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Rules of Engagement

Every household with children has rules for appropriate behaviour. Use your inside voice. Keep your hands to yourself. No running in the house.  For a time, because of inappropriate behaviour, we really had to drill our rules into our son and his friend, we’ll call Greg (names changed to protect the innocent).  

At the start of every play date, they had to recite The Rules.  It was within this context that Greg’s mother took him to Pirate Day at the Marine Museum. About 15 kids were sitting on the floor in front of the big pirate boat, their parents standing in the back, listening to the Pirate leader tell them what Pirate Day was all about.  The leader explained that before being allowed on the boat, there were rules to learn.

To engage the kids, the leader asked if any of the kids had rules that they had to follow at home.  As if a fire was lit beneath him, Greg’s arm shot straight up, wiggling his hand in excitement, in the kind of way keen kids do when they know the answer.

 ”Keep your pants on, and no touching penises”, Greg proudly announced, to the horror of his mother.

Well, those are the rules….

Monday, November 9, 2009

Sexrådgivarens inskränkta farliga värld.

 

Vi vet redan att Malena Ivarsson troligtvis är bland det farligaste du kan ha i närheten av din relation och/eller sexliv.

Att hon är en fördomsfull, inskränkt och djupt konservativ sexrådgivare som tycker att kvinnor ska göra allt för mannens lust:

“Klipp inte håret för kort. Låt det vara halvlångt. I en undersökning sa män att den sexigaste längden var ner till BH-bandet.”

Nu menar hon att man kan få reda på om ens kille är homo genom att kolla in hans skivsamling. För ni vet väl att alla bögar älskar schlager?

“Är cd-kollektionen fylld av opera eller schlager eller ligger där drösar av country och western? Hur ser badrummet ut? Hänger det Versache-handdukar där? Är badrumsskåpet fyllt av mer hår och skönhetsprodukter än vad du har själv? Det kan vara tecken som kan tyda på att attt han gillar killar mer än som kompisar.”

Det är ju för roligt. För det är tydligen menat som ett skämt. Malena Ivarsson tyckte nämligen att det var lämpligt att svara med ett “skämt” på en fullständigt seriöst och allvarligt ställd fråga.

“Jag är ledsen om någon blivit sårad. Jag trodde att man kunde skämta lite. Jag har många gayvänner med utpräglat skönhetsssinne och det är beundran jag skriver det, det här var skrivet med kärlek till gayvärlden. Men det har missuppfattats och det beklagar jag.”

Bara av hennes förklaring inser man hur liten och obehaglig hennes värld är. Men är det inte fint att hon beundrar sina bögpolares Versacehanddukar?

Att Aftonbladet Söndag tillåter den här kvinnan att härja fritt på sina sidor, där människor med problem vänder sig för råd,  är inte bara obegripligt, det är direkt jävla farligt.

Single Gal Masturbation

I would love to be an adult sex toy tester. Not because I think it would be a fun cute sexy kind of part time job but because I would like to find toys that actually get me off… Single Gal Masturbation is a secret identity I’ve created because the real me is a bit (hugely) too shy to even admit I have a sex toy let alone actually use it and sex masturbation goddess forbid I actually complain (under my real name) about how I just can’t get off tonight.

 

Last time? NOT a problem… this time – Masturbated until I’m sore and nope I didn’t get off? What the fuck? Or better where the fuck! It’s frustrating. I don’t want to hook up with some guy no matter how cute or how horny I am – though I’m tempted. I don’t want to call the only guy friend I do know to trust to have sex with because the last time we tried he fingered me painfully – it hurt! He’s a great guy, looks awesome, very smooth and I thought for sure sex would be ex plosive…it was but not in an orgasmic non sexual BDSM YEA! Kind of way.

So here is my blog that I’ll only post to once in a while when I’m sexually happy, horny, disappointed, frustrated and probably every other verb known to women.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Notes from the Bubble

‘Notes from the Bubble’ is intended (and we hope received) in a spirit of fun and affection; writers do not name names or repeat anything that is not already in the public domain. We are also nothing to do with the University. If you are very unhappy with anything that has been written, just let us know and we’ll remove the relevant section. We do not, however, appreciate or more importantly, tolerate offensive emails or threats.

Now that’s said and done, here’s what you’ve really been waiting for, the next installment…

Prizes offered (actually just our love and gratitude) for anyone who can give us some background on the well prepared couple that were caught having sex in the back corner of the Bop last week (email us at your.notes.from.the.bubble@googlemail.com).  Also at the Union, there’s apprently a new girl on the guest list -  here’s hoping for development on that front soon. Additionally we hear there’s trouble at the top in the STAR team as technical disputes escalate into a war of words, or should we say emails.

That’s all for now, big love for Reading Week, do let us know about your holiday liasons and remember; don’t play the game if…

"Sex that blows your mind, so to speak - orgasm then amnesia...and it's no soap opera"

It  is a peaceful Friday and wandering around the net I come on interesting and funny things.  Here is one.

David Pescovitz on November 5, 2009 11:54 AM Sex, then amnesia A woman named Alice, 59, had morning sex with her husband but immediately after, she was hit with amnesia. According to a CNN story, Alice experienced transient global amnesia, complete loss of short-term memory and some problems recalling older events too. Apparently, the curious condition can be triggered by a variety of vigorous exercise, sudden and drastic temperature change, or emotional trauma. Transient Global Amnesia can resolve itself quickly and usually doesn’t leave any permanent damage. Alice’s memory returned by the afternoon. CNN presented Alice’s case and spoke with Harvard neurology professor Louis Caplan about the causes of transient global amnesia. From CNN:

“(Sex) is actually a well-known precipitator. One of the things people have done to look at transient global amnesia is to look at frequency of various precipitants and sex always comes out as one of the most common,” said Caplan, a leading stroke expert at the Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston, Massachusetts, who was not associated with Alice’s care. “It usually is after climax that it develops,” he said about its onset…In 1999, Johns Hopkins University doctors described two patients in their 70s who suffered TGA after having sex. In these cases, the act of “bearing down” — which occurs when people move their bowels, give birth or have sex — created pressure in the brain’s blood vessels, resulting in temporary lack of blood flow that caused amnesia, according to the study published in The Lancet…

Caplan likened the hippocampus, which is responsible for short-term memory in the brain, to a tape recorder. If blood flow to the brain gets restricted, the hippocampus cannot record new memory.

“The hippocampus is responsible for initially recording the information so you can play it back,” he said. “So if it’s not working, you won’t get the information.”

“Sex, then amnesia…and it’s no soap opera”

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Morning Consciousness 001

I'm ready to take the world by storm, A pearlescent down pour showers all that I touch Incense perfumes, The fifth house e x p a n d s , pregnant with blessings, feeding all who dwell within the veiled cup of warmth & light Intellectual coition progresses to a physical revelation There are no words to explain Your soul is invited The veil asunder, Fertilize the mountains, Swallow the mirage, Drink the sea, Enter the chamber, Patient, Slow, Explore, Rough, Conquer, Receive from within, the glory, Reach the Peak Stay Still Cherish the taste, I promise an encore for every minute you remain. Your boss isn't expecting you today...

So you let her pop your cherry

Matt from Encino

 

One of the toughest parts of every guy’s life is his first time.  In no way is this story promoting sex, positions, etc.  This story is just a story for you to take what you want from it, just like the rest.  (Lesson:  Sex may become a part of the relationship, whether it be the good part or bad part, but it should never be the only reason why you are in a relationship.)

Our hero, Matt, was the ladies man when he hit his senior year in high school.  He told me how he only dated the ‘band chicks’ because up until senior year, no other girl really found him that attractive.  (Lesson:  If you are dating band chicks, you may not be that attractive to other girls.  But that does not mean you should give up on them.)  Matt thought that the main reason why he did not have much success with the ladies was because he missed out on hitting puberty until senior year, he weighed 120 pounds until the summer before his senior year.  And then he boomed into 150 pounds and the ladies noticed.  (Lesson: No, ladies did not notice him because he got fat.  Ladies notice that, but that is not really a turn on.  But never stress over your body, everyone’s is different for a reason.  Yours fits perfectly with someone else’s, go find her.)  Matt then walked into his first semester of college with a year of dating, but a year of confusion.

Matt had spent senior year dating, but never really understanding what was happening in the girls’ head while they were on dates.  And our hero was a fast talker, so he may have never really noticed that he was not trying to find out what was going on in their head.  (Lesson:  Take a moment and find out!)  Our hero was a fast talker because he had spent his entire high school career, minus the senior year, listening to the other guys talking about their dates, trips to prom and homecoming, and their sexual experiences.  He noticed how they would almost always bring up how they convinced a girl to go on a date, or how they would drop hints at things like kissing, and so forth.  Matt was a sponge, just soaking up all their ‘tips’ and so when his senior year came and he had opportunities to ‘un-sponge’ his knowledge he capitalized.  And he would pick up on what worked and what did not and took that with him to college.  (Lesson:  Listening to friends’ advice is good, but they never will see the girl the same way you do.  Even if you both think she is gorgeous, each of you have your own definition for gorgeous.  So do not listen to their advice as fact.)

Our hero met his match one night while standing in line at the campus cafeteria.  They were watching the cafeteria lady scream at a student who had drunkenly cut in line and demand some extra mashed potatoes.  (Lesson:  Cafeteria ladies are not all mean, maybe just ask them how they are doing and see if it helps their attitude.  Trust me.)  While watching this fiasco, Matt started laughing and looked back to see if anyone else had noticed and their eyes met.  Matt introduced himself to her at the juice dispensers and she replied that she already knew him and was uninterested, sarcastically smiled, and walked to the tables.  (Lesson:  A challenge?  It is always a good thing when you can tell that she is not going to be an easy catch.  Easy catches happen once in a blue moon, challenges happen everyday.  Bait your hook well.)

Matt sat two tables away, facing her and after placing his food down got up and took her table’s entire napkin, ketchup, and mustard tray.  It was hamburger and sweet-potato-fries night.  Our hero spent the next three hours with her flirting, talking about high school, trading secrets, laughing, and making fun of each other.  Matt knew that their relationship was going to be amazing if this is how night one was spent.  And he verified his belief because the next three weeks they spent every moment they could with each other and had not even gotten to kissing yet.  (Lesson:  Talking and no kissing?  It is not a myth, it happens.  But realize before she does that the physical security needs to be there as much as the mental does.  So make your move when the timing is right!)

Matt knew nothing about sex; I will put it out there.  Sorry Matt.  But he didn’t!  His high school senior year was about experiencing second and third base and trying to steal home but being tagged out.  And to Matt, knowing that she had been around the bases before made him very conscious of how he would stand up to her previous times.  (Lesson:  You should want to be her best, but do not expect to hear that you are the best after the first time.  She wants to be your best too, but you two have to figure each other out first.  So give it a couple times, maybe even a couple dozen times.  But wrap it up.  No excuses. Do not be that guy.)  So while Matt worried about being a virgin, she was more and more impressed with how he could stimulate her in other ways.  It made their relationship even more meaningful.  But our hero wanted to go the whole way, and over mixed-drinks and frat nights he would tell her that he wanted her to be his first but then dismiss it as a joke whenever she would respond in a way that he felt was inappropriate for the mood of his first time.  (Lesson:  There is no real mood that will be right; it is your mood that needs to be right for the first-time.)

But Matt was now getting stuck, he was being sucked into the freshman nights where frat parties ruled and hangovers were fun.  He was stressing over what night would be perfect, while she was enjoying every night for their face value and not trying to add a sixth dimension to it all like our hero was.  Matt was trying to find a good night to go for a walk, or how they could play a board-game and hope that it would show her that it was just as much fun as getting drunk.  This was the Matt that had spent high school dating band chicks, he had found the romantic-side in ninth grade and the band chicks loved it.  (Lesson:  You are an individual, just like she is, before you are companions.  She will want to do things that you may not but same goes for you.  So try to find each others’ middle-ground and find times where each of you can stay be individuals.  It will keep you both happy.  If you do not find the middle-ground it could be devastating for one person or both.)

So let me just add a little interlude here because I feel like this story is getting to be one of about our hero just wanting his girlfriend to realize he wants his first-time.  It is not that simple.  Matt’s pressure was not only because he wanted to get his first-time over with, because his friends had theirs before him, that the band chicks he dated had theirs already… you catch my drift?  Matt was trying to find his balance, and he was relying a lot on his girlfriend as the experienced one in the relationship.  But in her eyes, she was perfectly happy with their progress.  She knew that her first-time was a lot of pressure so she was just waiting for him to initiate.  Matt, was too busy thinking about things and not talking.  So our hero was trying, he just did not know what trying even meant in this situation.  Okay, interlude is up… hope you understand.

Our hero was in contact with several of his friends from high school and one of them was going to be in his area in a couple weeks so they were planning on a good weekend of Matt showing him the college that he called home.  Meanwhile, Matt had noticed that his girlfriend was picking up on his hints on how quiet-nights were just as good as party-nights.  So they were trying it out, but Matt realized that his push for quiet-nights created an awkward mood.  Matt expected her to have already gone through nights like this and what they were really about.  (Lesson:  I cannot stress enough; open-communication is the best form of communication.  If you were dating a French girl you would not speak in English and just expect her to know what you were saying, you would do everything you could to make her understand.  So be completely open.)  Matt then thought that maybe she needed space or to be without him a night or two for her to understand that he was really wanting the first-time to be about both of them enjoying it from the first ‘hello’ of the date to the end.  But our hero found out that his girlfriend took the space as a sign that there was trouble in the water.

Matt was getting more and more frustrated, pun intended, and when his friend came to visit for the weekend Matt poured out the entire story over a couple forties.  His friend told Matt that he should just tell her what he wants.  So that night, our hero had planned on going out with her and her friends and his buddy.  Matt watched as she was drinking heavily and somewhat flirtatiously but rudely challenging him to drink as much as she was.  And then when the karaoke machine rolled out, our hero chose 112’s “peaches & cream” while she picked Jewel’s “who will save your soul”.  (Lesson: Any girl who sings a Jewel song will instantly confuse any situation that was happening that night.  Hands down.  Good luck if she does.)

The walk home to the dorms was spent with Matt kissing her, her kissing Matt, and then Matt trying to hook up his buddy with her friend.  So our hero was being a good friend by assisting his buddy but was missing the signs that his girlfriend finally understood what Matt wanted her to understand.  (Lesson:  Having your friend know the situation you are in always helps.  If he is a good friend, he will talk to her and help the two of you iron out any situation that may have arisen between you two.)  When they all stumbled into the dorm, Matt tossed his buddy the key to his dorm and followed his girlfriend.  She then stopped him and told him that she missed him the past couple nights they had been apart and that if he wanted to, she was ready to be his first but only if he wanted.  Matt then said yes.

In bed, while he was on top, our hero stopped after a good minute or two.  He let the moment catch up with him and hoped she would look him in the eyes and see that this meant a lot to him.  She did look him in the eyes, and then she kissed him.  As he continued she whispered into his ear;

“Matt, I love you.”

 

Our hero finished, and did not really finish like finishing really should be finished, and then laid there as she passed out.  In all of his planning for his first-time he never planned on her saying those words.  In all of his preparing he never prepared himself to hear those words.  (Lesson:  Oh man. Well, love is in the air.  Someone has to say it first and so always be prepared for it to be said after date number two.)  Our hero woke up and she was in the bathroom puking, no not from morning sickness because he had a condom on and did not go inside of her.  (Lesson: Live or die by that method, until you get married.  Do not be that guy.)  She then came out of the bathroom and curled up next to him and whispered into his ear;

“Matt, I love you.”

 

These stories always consist of a moment where our hero misses his mark or where his ‘Achilles-heel’ shines through.  Matt should have commented back at that moment, but he did not know what to say.  His first-time moment was outdone by her confession of love.  He was disappointed, he felt cheated, and he needed to think about how she had not even brought it up but just skipped his achievement for her own motif.  Our hero should have commented.  Because his delay cost him a relationship that he spent the entire freshman year thinking about while he watched her at frat-parties, saw her in the dorm hallway, and eating at the cafeteria.

 

(Lesson:  Do not put so much planning into the first-kiss, first-time, first-anything.  There are so many moments in a relationship that consist of little tiny moments.  If you plan on the big moment you will miss the importance of everything else and trust me when I tell you that the kiss may be terrible, but being under a starlit sky may be the reason why your kiss was her best.)

 

Monday, November 2, 2009

Erotic Couplings Stories - Breast obsession began

I was going to start by telling you a little bit about myself but then I thought, why bother? Most people won’t care about me so why should I waste my time giving them information they aren’t going to need. Instead I decided it would be more beneficial to give you a little background about the story and leave the rest to your imagination.

I’m an average guy in every way but many years ago I discovered I had a particular passion when it came to the opposite sex. I love big tits. It’s that simple, the bigger the better without entering the realms of the ridiculous. I also discovered that with the right amount of luck, charm and confidence it was possible to get into the kind of situations usually only found in the cheesiest of sex comedies. So now, many years on, I have a wealth of stories that just have to be told. So if you like big tits in all their glory then sit back and let me tell you about some of the things I’ve seen………

I guess it all started when I was a kid growing up in your average, middle class area where all the neighbours new each other really well and all the other kids were around the same age. My neighbours had a daughter, Rachel, who was a year below me in school and we used to play together all the time as we were growing up. It was one of those childhood friendships that kind of comes and goes depending on whether it was cool to talk to girls or not but as we grew up and out of that kind of nonsense we just became mates. We’d chat if we saw each other in the street but we had our own groups that we hung out with. By this time we were probably around 15 or so and we were well on the path to maturity, one of us more than the other. You see Rachel was developing the most luscious pair of tits I had ever seen, not that I had seen many at this stage in my life, and you couldn’t help but notice the way they rode so high on her chest and seemed so firm. There was very little movement when she walked other than a lovely elastic kind of bounce. Summer was especially interesting as she was fond of strappy tops that revealed plenty of cleavage. It goes without saying that many an evening was spent under the sheets while I imagined getting my hands on those beautiful breasts but nothing ever happened. Well, not then anyway….

When all the kids finished school and went on to their various universities the street got pretty quiet and, except for summer when everyone was home, it was usually the case that you would go home for a weekend now and then and be the only one around. If you were lucky you might see someone else who happened to be home the same weekend but that was pretty rare, but not unknown. One weekend I had headed home to see my parents, or get my laundry done, depending on who was asking. As the train pulled into the station I grabbed my bags and headed to the door. Stepping off the train I noticed Rachel getting off a different carriage. I headed over and as she turned she saw me and smiled,

“Hi. I didn’t realise you were on the same train. If I’d known, the journey would have been a little less tedious.”

I grinned back. “Tell me about it. There’s nothing worse than sitting on one of these things for a few hours with nobody to talk to. You want a hand with your bags?”

I grabbed her bag before she could refuse the offer and we headed out of the station. Normally someone would pick me up from the station but my parents were still at work so I was resigned to walking home. It was only a mile or so but being a student I felt it my duty to be a little lazy. There was no-one waiting for Rachel either which I thought a little strange as I guessed her Mum or Dad would have picked her up so she didn’t have to carry her bags. It soon became clear though when she told me she had decided to come home at the last minute and had just grabbed a bag and jumped on the train and still not told her parents she was coming home for the weekend. As we walked she told me she had split up with her boyfriend in college and couldn’t stand the idea of hanging around with all her friends being sympathetic so she decided to come home for a few days. I followed the standard course of saying I was sorry and then changing the subject to try and cheer her up. We chatted as we walked and she was soon laughing and joking along with me. After about 20 minutes we got home and went our separate ways, as separate as you can get when you live next door anyway.

My parents were going out to party later that night so after dinner I lay down on the couch and started flicking through the channels on the TV. There was nothing on so as soon as my parents had gone I ran upstairs and grabbed my stash of grass from my bag. I rolled a joint and went out into the garden. Sitting in the garden I heard a noise from over the fence. It was Rachel talking on the phone. She was sitting on the back step smoking a cigarette and telling whoever was on the phone she was fine and not to worry. She hung up the phone and I heard her stand up. I assumed she was going in until I heard her voice nearby,

“You going to share that or what?” I turned to see her leaning over the fence and smiling at me. “I could smell the smoke coming over the fence and as neither of your parents smoke and they certainly wouldn’t be indulging in a spliff I figured it was you.”

I stood up and handed her the joint. She took a big hit and passed it back. “Thanks. You have no idea how much I needed that.”

I took it back and pulled on it again. “I heard you talking actually and you sounded like you could do with something. Was that the ex or a concerned friend?”

“Neither, it was my Mum. She was ringing to tell me that her and my Dad are away tonight and it’s too late to cancel. I guess it’s my fault for not telling them I was coming home. She’s worried about me being on my own but I’ll be fine. Where are your parents anyway?”

“Another one of those parties my Dad’s boss keeps throwing. I know they hate them but I guess they have to go to keep him sweet. I guess we’re both in the same boat, come home for the weekend and end up on our own watching TV.”

I passed her the joint again and she took another long pull. She looked at me as she held the sweet smoke in and then smiled as she exhaled. “Why don’t you come around here then? We can watch TV, open some wine and get stoned together.”

“Sure. Why not? At least I’ll have someone to roll up when I can’t be bothered. Give me 5 minutes, ok?” I stubbed out the joint and went back in to the house. I cleaned up the dishes in the kitchen, flushed the stub down the toilet and grabbed the rest of my stash then headed next door.

I knocked on the door and heard Rachel shout it was open. She was in the kitchen fighting with a bottle of wine. I took it from here and told her to go find something on TV while I opened the bottle. When I followed her into the living room she was curled up on the couch watching the TV. I sat down next to her and rolled another joint. At least her parents smoked so we could get away with smoking it in the house. We passed the joint back and forth, drinking the wine in between and pretty soon we were both nicely stoned. We chatted and the subject eventually came around to the guy she had just split up with. She told me that they had been seeing each other for around six months and it was going ok until she went to his house earlier in the week to return a CD and caught him in bed with a girl from one of his classes. She felt bad because she had actually been embarrassed and instead of screaming him down she had apologised and left the house as fast as she could. When he eventually caught her he hadn’t even apologised, he’d told her that he liked her but that she wasn’t really his type and it was best if they just went their separate ways. I tried to be gallant and said something about him being an idiot and how could she not be his type and then she told me that apparently she was too curvy for him. I tried not to but I couldn’t help but laugh and as soon as I started she was laughing just as hard.

When the laughing stopped I told her I was sorry but I was so stoned I couldn’t help it.

“How could anyone not like a curvy girl, that’s how they were supposed to look, like girls not boys?”

She looked at me funny for a second and then smiled. “That’s good. I’ve been worried about it since he told me and thought there was something wrong with me.”

I assured her there was absolutely nothing wrong with her figure and the guy was an idiot but each to his own. She slid over towards me and looked me straight in the eye.

“So you like girls to be curvy do you? How do you define curvy? Is it a general thing or is there something specific?” As she said it her eyes looked down and as I followed her gaze I found myself looking down into the creamy valley of her cleavage. She saw my eyes move. “That’s what I thought. There is something specific isn’t there? Do you like them?”

I was mesmerised by the way her breasts rose and fell with each breath and by the slight bulge across the front where her bra couldn’t quite cope with the task it had been set. “There very nice. Probably the best I’ve ever seen. Why do you ask?”

“Well…..I’ve been thinking that maybe they were too big and after what he told me I was wondering if I should get a breast reduction. There a 38DD you know.” I didn’t know but I sure as hell did now and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from them now they were the main topic of conversation.

“I think that would be a mistake. I can understand the downside but surely there are benefits?” I looked up to see the pink tip of her tongue curling over her top lip.

“Benefits?” She lifted her hand to her chest and began rubbing her right breast gently. “Oh there are plenty of benefits. They keep me the centre of attention and I love how very sensitive they are. I can even make myself cum just be playing with them and that has to be a benefit. Of course I can cum even harder when someone else is playing with them.”

If that wasn’t an offer then I don’t know what is. I raised my hand and started to gently rub her left breast while she concentrated on the right one. I brushed my fingertips along the line of her bra and heard her sigh gently as I slid a finger through the buttons on her top and traced the outline of her nipple though it’s covering of lace. It grew steadily under my finger and she began to squirm slightly in her seat.

“That’s very nice but I think it would be better if you could see them, don’t you?” I wasn’t going to argue.

She stood up from the couch and moved in front of me. Using her feet she pushed my legs apart so she could move right in front of me and began to slowly undo the buttons on her blouse. She slid the cotton off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor. Using both hands now she began to rub and squeeze her breasts, pushing them together until her cleavage was nothing more than a tight crack in the expanse of flesh. She leaned forward and placed her hands on my shoulders so that my face was inches away from her breasts. Using her height she pushed me back until I was almost lying down and began to rub the soft lace of her bra against my cheeks, swinging her magnificent breasts across my face as she moved from side to side. I reached behind her and placed my hands on her ass but she grabbed them and put them back on her breasts.

“No, no. I told you I could cum just by having my tits played with and that’s where this ends. I’m not going to sleep with you tonight and my pants will not be coming off so you be a good boy and do as you’re told and maybe I can do something nice for you too.”

I was disappointed but I figured if I got her off this way maybe I’d get a hand job, or a blow job if I was really lucky, so I followed her instruction and began to knead her breasts and squeeze her nipples through the material. This freed up her hands but instead of heading towards my straining jeans as I hoped she reached behind her and undid the clasp of her bra. The only things holding it in place now were my hands so I did the only thing I could think of. I leaned forward slightly to kiss the tops of her breasts and as I did I slid the lace down, slowly revealing her tits. As the material slid over her skin my lips followed until I had uncovered one of her nipples which immediately found its way into my mouth. I sucked gently and heard a low moan from above my head somewhere. She was really getting hot now with all the tit play and I could see the flush of colour across her chest and throat. In no mood to drag this out I had to see how much she had told me was the truth. I cupped both of her heavy tits and as my mouth took care of one nipple my fingers pinched and teased the other. She began to move against me, pushing her tits into my face until my nose and mouth were covered and I was finding it hard to breathe. I pulled away slightly to grab a breath but her hands shot around the back of my head and pulled it deeper into her flesh as she moaned with pleasure.

Struggling to draw air I decided I had to finish this before I ended up on the front page of the papers, even if I would have gone out in style. I grabbed as much of her heaving breasts in my hands as I could and squeezed them together. Forcing her nipples as close together as I could, I managed to get both in my mouth at the same time. She gave a little squeal when she realised what I had done which rapidly turned into a series of pants and moans as I began to suck and chew on her erect nipples. Within seconds her knees were shaking and her full weight fell onto me as I swirled my tongue across her nipples and sucked them as far back into my mouth as I could. That did the trick. Her orgasm hit her hard and she writhed against me as I continued my assault on her breasts.

By now my pants had almost split and there was a dark stain on the front of my crotch where my cock had been leaking pre-cum. She raised herself off me slowly and looked down at my bulging jeans.

“You did very well indeed then. I’ve never had both of my nipples sucked at the same time. That was incredible. Now I have to return the favour in a very special way.

She slid down until her face was level with my crotch and unfastened my jeans. Sliding her hand inside she pulled out my cock and began to rub it gently. The ache in my crotch was agony as I watched her fingers glide slowly up and down my shaft. She smiled at me and leaned forward slightly so the tip was rubbing softly against her lips as she wanked me off. She continued this for a few minutes, rubbing my cock against her lips while her free hand massaged my balls softly. What she did next excited me the most. She shifted closer to me until her tits were resting on my thighs then she began to rub the head of my cock over them. She teased me with her nipples, pushing my cock against them, rubbed it all over the large mounds and in the valley of her cleavage, coating her skin with pre-cum completely. Then she gently placed my cock between her tits and with both hands wrapped them around me until there was nothing to see but the head poking from the top of her cleavage. She held them tight and began to squeeze her nipples between her fingers as hard as she could.

“Ok. Now the race begins. Can I make myself cum again before you coat these babies with that sticky cum you’ve been saving? Ready, steady, Go!”

I needed no further encouragement and began pounding my cock between her tits as she squeezed them around me. The friction was unbelievable. The sensation of all that tit flesh wrapped against my skin and the way my cock slid between them was the best thing I had ever experienced. At the same time, knowing what the combination of her nipple play and the feeling of me rubbing against her sensitive skin was doing to her made it all the sweeter. I thrust my hips forward as far and as fast as I could, pounding her tits, desperate to win the race. My cockhead banged against her chin as she moaned in her own pleasure.

“Come on! Give me that hot cum of yours! I want to feel it all over my big tits!”

I thrust as hard as I could between her heaving tits as I felt the pressure building up in my balls. “Oh God! Here it comes! I’m gonna cum…..!”

My cock exploded between her tits and the cum shot out of her cleavage onto her face. She dipped her head and took the second blast into her open mouth as she swirled her tongue around the head of my cock each time it came within range. Her own orgasm overtook her as she pulled her nipples out as far as she could, almost screaming in her pleasure. The cum dripped of her face as I slid my cock between her tits and she opened her mouth to let the load she’d taken there fall back onto her creamy flesh. I fell back exhausted as she rubbed the huge load I’d deposited all over her tits, smiling at me all the time.

“See. I told you there were some benefits.” She smiled again. “And not just for me either. I couldn’t argue with that at all.

We never did anything like that again but I can safely say that’s were my obsession with tits truly began. We went our separate ways after University and I haven’t seen Rachel in over 10 years but I still think back to that first titty fuck………although it wasn’t the last, not by a long way……..

I did what?!

Wedding weekend con’t…

Automatically when you wake up next to someone naked after a night a drinking, your mind races. You think, “what the fuck, what the fuck did I do last night?!” Well, luckily that wasn’t the case when I woke up to a naked Brandy on that Sunday. Don’t get me wrong, I was shocked she was naked, but I had nothing to do with that. She was passed out when I got home and I didn’t realize she was naked until the next morning. Brandy, gotta love her, she’s a good friend and another fellow bridesmaid, and yes I have motorboated her boobs, but I just wasn’t planning on sleeping with her naked.

My head hurt. I don’t think I had been that hung over in forever. And awesome, my mind – complete blank. Could not remember anything from the last two hours of my night. Fantastic. I know when I don’t remember a thing it means I must have done something super stupid.

It was time for the breakfast recap… I wanted to die a little bit.

At the traditional breakfast recap, it was Kaci, Brandy, Katie, two other girlfriends, Kaci’s mom, Kaci’s boyfriend and Kaci’s brother. Kaci’s mom peaced out early because she started throwing up. Which is typical after a traditional Montana wedding.

I was sitting next to Kaci’s brother, Ryan, who I hooked up with in college. Kaci freaked out at the time. Yeah, that didn’t go so well. So I knew better than to try and do that again… well, soberly knew better.

The stories began… which all of them seemed to revolve around me. Every time they told me about another person I mouth fucked at the reception, it was like a bullet to the head. You know, when you realize you did something super stupid? Yep. As I sat next to Ryan a sneaking suspicion came upon me… I think we made out. So of course one of the girls blurts that one out, “Hey Ryan, didn’t you make out with Alexis too?” “Nope!” He answered enthusiastically. I breathed a sigh of relief, Kaci would have killed me. But I still had a sneaking suspicion that we may have…

When Kaci wasn’t around, the other girls informed me that yes, in fact, I did mouth fuck her brother again. Awesome, just awesome. He’s hot though, so I’m not complaining!

So what did happen Saturday night? I’ll tell you this for sure… I am not allowed back in that town again! Well at least not until people forget about the shit show that I starred in on Saturday night.

Saturday

At 9am all of the bridesmaids met at the salon to get ready for four hours. We all complained, because who needs to get ready for four hours?! Turns out we needed that time. Jill allowed us two glasses of champagne each before the wedding. She didn’t want the priest to kick us out. Which was a definite possibility given the veracity of this group.

I do have to take a moment to share what happened with my hairstyle. I had one of the small town hairstylists do my hair, never doing that again. I should have just curled it myself. I asked for medium curls… 45 minutes later she is done, I look in the mirror. Holy fuck I looked like a French poodle on steroids. My hair stuck out past my shoulders in these tiny ringlets that went out of style in 1850. She loaded it with hairspray so there was no getting out of it… Wow, my friends were laughing so hard they had to excuse themselves to the bathroom so as to not offend the hairdresser. Good, I didn’t want to get laid anyways.

Luckily my hair is so thick, it calmed down before the wedding, but still was a disaster.

The wedding was beautiful and went off without a hitch. It really was a beautiful experience. But now for the fun part.

Once the wedding was over… it was time for debauchery!

We showed up at the reception hall after about an hour of pictures. It was time to drink. All of us bridesmaids had these bright yellow dresses that I referred to as my “Golden Ticket.” Meaning – I was going to get what I wanted, when I wanted. With both men and booze. I loved my “Golden Ticket.”

Shoving my way to the bar with my golden ticket, I commenced the inhalation process of alcohol. Drink of choice? Lime vodka and redbull. Nasty. Everyone else was doing it, so I jumped on board. Of course the treasured favorite of tequila came later.

Let’s piece the night together. Here is what I remember: most of the reception, making out with at least two guys, falling on the floor during an exquisite dance move, tequila, more kissing, more tequila, and finally pictures. Ohhhh the pictures. There is a beautiful picture of “snapper delight” in the bathroom. “Snapper delight” was my weekend nickname since I had a freshly waxed vag… I have no idea who had my camera and why they would take a picture over the bathroom stall. I actually don’t remember the actual dance move, but I slide across the floor and I believe I knocked over a child, who immediately started crying. I think I hear his mother say, “Oh honey, it’s just drunk Alexis being herself, she didn’t mean to karate chop you in the face with her heels.”

Here is what I don’t remember: Leaving the reception, going to the bar, the third and fourth guy I made out with getting home. Oh wait, I remember drinking a martini at the bar! Yes, I remember something from the bar!

Pictures put me at the bar after the reception, so I know I went. But the next thing I remember is running away from a guy’s car, freezing and trying to figure out how to get to my friend’s house. Why was I running? I think he was finger banging me and I finally came out of my drunk blackout, realized who I was with, and got the fuck out of there. Fast.

The guys:

1)      Aaron – yes I do remember making out with him. Picture to prove it.

2)      Oh shit I forgot his name… I swear I knew it before. Ok well he is like three years younger and I made out with his brother also.

3)      Josh – brother of “no name” listed above. Also, the same guy who I remember running away from his car. What is my thing with brothers? This is the fourth set of brothers. My god. Plus I have made out with two of my best friend’s brothers. Jesus. That is a weird phenomenon. Gotta love similar DNA.

4)      Kaci’s brother – which to this day we will both deny… and I cannot 100% guarantee it, but the girls say I did. And I have a lot of pictures with him, so I’m assuming I did.

The recap breakfast was very informative. I spent most of the time shaking my head. And saying “yep, yep, I did do that.” But that wasn’t the worst part. It was going to Jill’s mom’s house for presents and seeing all the adults from the wedding. I was greeted with laughter and “oh shit, you were tanked last night.” Lets just say, I made an impression.

-Alexis Patron