For our first guest post (Why didn’t I think of this before), the lovely “intelligent hedonist” known as Kelly Shibari shares insight on sex and culture, having an independent approach to the job market, and the grand scheme of things. Enjoy and be sure to check out her links, at home or at the office (hey, live a little!):
“Most of the time, I tend to shy away from talking about my own experience in the adult industry. My blog, Hourglass8, has evolved from a handbook for ladies entering the industry (how to avoid scams and sleazy people) and more into how to utilize social media more effectively for that industry (although a lot of non-adult-industry people seem to read it too, and for that I thank you!).
Despite my on-camera personae (which people are more than welcome to see at KellyShibariXXX), I’m less of a slut-in-public and more of a lady-in-public, whore-in-private (or at least on camera). My upbringing makes me that way (the lady-in-public thing, not the whore thing). My parents are awesome people who are still rather happily married and really went out of their way to raise me in a way that made me someone I’m rather happy with – a silver-lining-seeker, a survivor, and someone who has this innate need to be intellectually stimulated.
I was also raised by older parents – people who themselves were raised in the 1950s, not the 1960s like most of my classmates’ parents – and their ideals. I was raised to be seen and not heard as a child when my classmates were all running wild because their parents were free-thinkers. I was openly punished for misbehaving and prohibited from dating until I was in college. As a result, I am still rather shy in public and prefer to people-watch rather than be the center of attention. I still blush when I talk about naughty things (even with other adult talent), and still lower my voice in public when talking about things that probably should be private.
On the other hand, I was also raised outside of the USA, in a society where sexual innuendo was commonplace in manga and anime, and was a regular source of comedic levity on television. Japanese television shows like “11PM” would regularly have girls coming in to do funny sexual contests, such as weigh their breasts on scales, and have reviews of porn films. My dad’s office always had a calendar or two on the wall with nude stewardesses. My mom and I, even now, talk rather openly about sexual things.
So I was brought up in a household that didn’t shun sexuality, but also promoted behaving like a lady in public. So it only makes sense that I turned out the way I did – and I’m really happy that I did.
I’m a hedonist at heart. I know that I’m on this planet (this time around anyway) for a limited amount of time, and the years at either end of that time are either limited by youth’s limitations of money and legal allowances, or by frailty. The years in between pass by way too quickly. I want to be able to not have any regrets when I’m in that rocking chair. Lessons, probably. Things I probably shouldn’t have done, definitely. But regrets? No.
I’ve always been a freelancer. I’ve never held a corporate job. There are times I wish I had a 401(k), a company-paid health plan, and/or a pension. Trust me, in this current economic state, I really wish I had those things. But I’m just not built that way, I guess. I was raised to be an ever-curious, adaptable survivor.
But I’m also not careless. Because being an intelligent hedonist means that you do think out the outcome of adventures before embarking on them. That’s why you won’t see me doing much of anything to excess. I still like to enjoy good food, good drink, interesting adventures and life experiences – but in moderation, and with careful choices. Nothing dangerous or addictive. And definitely nothing that would cause harm to others.
And when I’ve grown tired of it, I move on.
So in a way, this adult industry period of my life is only a small part of my overall story. The journey’s not over. I still have a lot of things I want to do – and have already started working towards a few of them. I hope I get to all of them before I’m not able to. But one thing I know is that when I’m in a retirement home, I’ll have all sorts of stories to tell – and I’m hoping that I won’t have forgotten any of it”.
Photo by Erik Christensen
