Dear Male Species,
PMS is real! Every month, before our cycle actually begins, us ladies experience PRE-Menstrual Syndrome*.. it may be 2 days before.. or it may be 2 weeks before.. but trust me, it exists..
We get cravings for foods just like pregnant women do.. stuff we haven’t eaten in years like stuffed shells and fresh garlic bread are suddenly the only thing we can think about.. We can and will eat anything we can get our hands on.. Why!? Our metabolism speeds up during this time, so we take advantage of it..
We DO have mood swings.. one minute we will be cool as cucumber in ranch dressing and the next minute we are going off because you sprayed too much Drakkar Noir.. we aren’t mad for no reason yes we are our hormones are just on overdrive.. we usually don’t understand where these mood swings come from.. YES.. they take us by as much surprise as they take you.. why does this happen!? Because our hormones are battling inside or something scientific like that (hey, I’m not WebMD buddy!)
We cry and don’t know why.. seriously.. when we bust out crying because we ran out of orange juice.. it’s real.. we are upset.. but we don’t know why we are THAT upset.. so when you say “boo, why you cryin?” and we say “I DON’T KNOW”.. wipe that stupid look off your face, wrap your arms around us and rub our damn backs until we stop.. is that so hard!?
We HATE it when you dismiss our emotional issues as “you just on yo period” or “you just PMS’in” NEGRO IS YOU CRAZY!??! DO NOT EVER SAY THIS TO A WOMAN!! You are devaluing and negating her very real emotions and upsetting her already retarded hormonal balance.. Just because the hormones makes a woman cry at the drop of a hat does not mean that her emotions should be brushed off.. DO NOT SAY THIS EVER AGAIN..
We don’t know how to control ANYTHING!! Don’t ask me any questions, do not try to get me to make decisions, hell just leave me ALONE!! PMS and the cycle are devastating weeks in a woman’s life.. we feel fat, we have cramps, we break out, we eat everything, we are emotional and then you wanna pop in talkin about “what you want for dinner”?! TAKE YO ASS IN THE KITCHEN AND COOK SOMETHING..
We really want to have sex.. it is probably because the point of the cycle is to get preggo at some point.. so when that time of the month comes around we want to have sex.. and we want it BAD.. if you deny.. prepare to be denied once the cycle ends in 2 weeks..
Lastly, we expect you to succumb to our EVERY wish.. Yes, I want you to go to the grocery store and pick me up a can of cinnamon rolls.. the kind with Cinnabon frosting.. Yes, I will be upset if they don’t have Cinnabon frosting because that is what I had a taste for all day.. Why do I want you to go to the store for me? Because I just do.. Yes, I would appreciate you bringing me midol because if I move these cramps will take over.. and if I have to get up.. it will be hell for you the rest of this week..
Fellas, do you understand?! Okay, let me reiterate.. PMS IS REAL, DON’T F WITH US, DO WHAT WE SAY AND YOU’LL GET SOME NEXT WEEK.
Sincerely,
m. lauren – Not PMS’ing but don’t try me anyway..
p.s. we don’t ask you to buy us tampons because we really want you to because you probably won’t get the right ones, we just want to see if you will do it.. okay I actually want you to
*these are generalizations mostly based off of myself and friends..
Other things men don’t freakin understand.. here
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