I gotta tell ya, I haven’t met many guys who do this. In fact, try as I might, I can only think of one. Well…one that I was actually have sex with. Now, I can name 2. Only this second one isn’t my lover (praise the gods!); he’s just someone I know who tells me his junk. Much to my dismay. I know. I could tell him to NOT share this stuff. But the deal is I know he’s got nobody else to tell it to and I feel bad for the guy. He’s such a miserable dude and seems to have no clue as to why he’s so miserable. Ya’d think that by his age (mid-50s) he’d know a few things about himself. I guess there’s just no tellin’ about some people, huh?
So yea. I listen to him talk about his junk and he shares wayyyyy too much information sometimes. Depending on the mood I happen to be in, I’ll either take it all in stride or wait patiently as he ’shares’ (actually, “whine” is much more appropriate. You’d think the guy was a little girl the way he whines), while I silently chant a mantra in my head so as not to shoot him. Mostly the latter.
More recently he’s been bragging about how he’s witholding sex from this much younger chiquita who he says makes him want to eat cyanide. Why he continues to see her is beyond me. Every time he does, he spends the next 3 days bitchin’ about how she makes him nutso and all the reasons why. To which I continue to ask: “Well then, why do you keep seeing her?”
Of course he has no real answer. Or if he does, he doesn’t share that part. I know why he does it. But he seems to be in complete denial (and utter fantasy) about the whole twisted relationship. He keeps going over there and then complaining about how awful it is when he’s with her. So his latest thing is that he’s withholding sex; and taking great pleasure in this. Now, first thing that strikes me as retardo is that the only reason he started up with this gal was to get laid. Period. Or so he says. And for whatever twisted reasons of her own, she actually participates. I dunno. Maybe they’re both in the same ’space’ right now. Whatever. She’s doin’ the deed whenever he wants. Except that now he seems to think that this withholding thing is giving him some kind of edge. He goes on and on about how she wants to and he won’t and now she’s calling him a zillion times a day. Which, he says, drives him even more nuts cuz he can’t stand the sound of her voice. My God! What is wrong with this man?
So I got to thinking about that period of my life when my lover did this to me. It was a long time ago, so I had to really do some research. Which is to say, I broke out the old journals to see how I was feeling about it while it was happening. And what I did about it to find some resolution. And how that all worked for me.
Turns out, it didn’t. Turns out he was withholding from me because he was getting it elsewhere. He was doing that because he was pissed at me. He figured it was the best way to get back at me for whatever it was I was doing (I still have no idea. He never did tell me why). Because I was so sexually ‘charged’, he knew it would make me crazy and he was right. It did. For a while. My attention span isn’t that big (or is that ‘long’) so it didn’t take long before I got bored with the whole game and just decided to cut him loose. It wasn’t about the sex. It was about the game. I got tired of playing. I got totally bored. I figured out that this was going nowhere. Ta-ta, Mr. Man. Gotta go. SeeYa Bye.
That was my answer to the witholding thing. Now I’m listening to this other bonehead and wondering what his motivations are and why she’s putting up with it. I’m also wondering why I even give a rip. (this is the biggest part of my wondering, which is why I’m puttin’ it out there…so I can cut it loose and STOP with all this stupid crap.) I gotta believe that people do this, both guys and gals, because of some power trip. Based on this theory, then it stands to reason that they think sex is the only source of power they have. The fact that they even need to exercise power in a relationship is even more disturbing, doncha think? What IS that?
Whaddya think? Got a story? Want to share it?
Oh boy. Doesn’t that sound fun?
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