So, the other day, I stopped back by at this really cool place in Portland’s North West called Saucebox. It’s a rad Asian fusion spot. They make these crazy drinks that are so strong on absinthe, you’re only allowed one per visit…or in my case, one half. I had gone there on a date the night before and was back to pick up my scarf which I had forgotten. Standing near the reception desk, I got to talking with Tim who had been our server the night before. He remembered me so I asked him to give me a male perspective about Jersey, the man I had gone out with, and then rate him on a scale of one-ten. Tim answered diplomatically, saying that Jersey seemed nice. When the manager came back out of the office with my scarf, I thanked her and turned to leave. Just as I pushed the door open, Tim asked me if I minded if he told me something. I figured he was going to tell me how pretty I am…so I rolled my eyes and said no, I didn’t mind.
But then, he didn’t tell me how pretty I am. What he did tell me is that I could do better than Jersey. I asked why and what he told me next was flat out embarrassing: Jersey is one of those non tippers. He didn’t just not tip; but actually wrote in a huge zero on the line where a tip should’ve been written. I’ve noticed this behavior in other men as well. They gallantly grab the check to make a good impression and then totally discount their own chivalry by either not tipping or tipping poorly.
WTF? This is so awkward…for all people involved. Waiter Tim had spent two hours refilling my water fifty times while Jersey and I tried to sum up our life stories to each other in the course of the same period and then he gets shafted. Then I look cheap by association because I actually went out with the guy. Can I just ask: Why go to a place where you can’t afford to tip? Or offer to pay every time you take a girl out if you don’t have the funds? I just don’t get it, man, because it doesn’t just reflect poorly on you. It also makes me look bad, and that is SO not cool.
I have a sister who does this too. No one will eat out with her anymore because she is THAT person who you have to watch out for. She will inevitably want to split the check, pay just exactly or just under the total sum of her part…minus the cost of her drink, simply because she thinks that no one will notice. But WE ALL NOTICE and we all make fun of her for it behind her back.
It’s the same thing on a date. Usually I’ll take a glance before leaving a table to see what kind of tip a guy leaves. I look for these things. Most women do. We know that if he’s stingy at a restaurant, he’s probably going to be stingy in a variety of other places too. Bad tip = red flag that naughty time may end up more work than play. I won’t call a bad tipper out to his face but upon leaving a restaurant/bar, I’ll thank him for…whatever, then politely say goodbye, turn and walk away, just like that. Its funny to watch the faces of these men change from satisfaction about what they thought was a date gone well to sheer puzzlement.
I used to cocktail waitress with a girl named Mona who would do a similar but more fucked up kind of thing. She’d always go out wearing deep red lipstick and this vintage 1950’s style, housewife/mommy-fantasy dress. Together, the look was so Pin-Up-Girl hot that she would make every other woman look subpar. She would start off by casually ordering a drink and asking the bartender to point out the cheap guys. They would eagerly oblige and over the course of the night, Mona would spend her entire time chatting these men up. It may have begun as a personal vendetta but it soon became her favorite game. Inevitably, she’d bring one of these men home with her, make out with him, and then, right at the very moment that the guy is thinking that he’s got this one in the bag, she’d push him away, casually mention that she’s a virgin…and tell them that it was time for them to leave. She would stare into their eyes at this very moment just to see the micro-expression of pain when they realized that they were not only NOT getting laid, but also being forced to find their way home, alone in downtown LA in the middle of the night.
The point is this: justice is sweet, fun for the reckoner and it’s often not overt. So guys…and ladies, if you’re not tipping well…maybe it’s time to reevaluate, change your ways. At the very least, just don’t be surprised if your dates don’t always end up the way you imagined they would.
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