WEDNESDAY 7th OCTOBER
A big thank you to the customer who massaged my ego outside Pussycats last weekend by saying: “You’re a legend mate. You get the place rocking.”
He then followed up the compliment with a less than flattering comment. “We’re obviously into similar music being the same kind of age. Are you in your 40s as well?”
I nearly choked on my cigarette and pointed out I was 36. Conversely, I was chatting to an 18-year-old woman the same night who thought I was in my late 20s.
Make your minds up, people.
*****
Then there was another woman in the club who said: “I got told you shagged
Always come to me for the truth. Chinese whispers are guaranteed to be bullshit.
*****
In a similar vein last weekend, a lad tried to convince me I used to, erm, make the occasional visit to his house a few years ago to, erm, spend time with his mother. They weren’t his exact words – he was 19 so it was fairly route one in terms of language. You get the idea.
“I remember you used to park your Jaguar outside,” he added.
“I’ve never driven a Jag,” I replied. This is true – I’ve neither owned nor driven a Jag.
“Oh.”
I thought it was best to end the conversation there.
*****
Some of you may well be aware that the car I drive looks slightly similar to a Jaguar but you will forget that information when I click my fingers.
Click… and you’re back in the room.
*****
I know this won’t come as an enormous surprise but I managed to upset at least one person in the club on Saturday. I lost my rag with a customer – a skinny little 18-year-old girl – because she leant over and started messing about with part of my equipment. This is not a euphemism – I am referring to the club equipment rather than my super-smooth crown jewels.
Anyway, I bellowed in her face and used language which would’ve made someone with Tourettes blush. Maybe I went a bit over the top but she could quite easily have turned the music down or powered off the DJ box.
Her mate tried to argue the point that I was excessive in my behaviour and I went off to think about it as DJ Loverug was doing his set in the main room. I decided I would speak to the girl.
I pulled her to one side and apologised if she found my manner overbearing. I explained how I was trying to do a professional job and her actions could quite easily have led to the sound cutting out in the main room and that would ultimately have reflected badly on me as the DJ and would’ve seen her being chucked out of the club.
The cheeky little cow then adopted a swaggering attitude about it and didn’t even apologise for what she did. Just like the glass-throwing psycho earlier in the year, she clearly didn’t think she’d done anything wrong.
I don’t want to tar all young people with the same brush but a lot do certainly lack the ability to take responsibility for their own actions. It was like she thought she was the innocent party in all this.
Of course, had she not felt the need to interfere with the club’s equipment, there would’ve been no issue. At least I did my bit by explaining and trying to smooth things over – being the bigger person if you like.
*****
If you want to get the attention of the DJ – for a request or photo etc – and they look busy, then be patient and wait. If they tell you to wait and you carry on pestering, don’t be surprised if they get annoyed. It all comes down to basic manners. Remember to say ‘please’ as well. It’s not rocket science.
*****
Don’t forget to check out all the weekend photos from Pussycats in the gallery at www.djwanker.com including some from the opening nights of Club Crush and Bar Vox.
I was wearing a suit and tie for the VIP launch and got some interesting comments. A few people suggested I “scrubbed up well” while others thought I had stumbled into the place after being to a wedding / funeral / job interview / court appearance – cheeky feckers!
I’m in the bar spinning some tunes on a Wednesday night if you want to pop down.
*****
Here is a selection of the blog feedback from last week…
Dan James: “It has me in stitches every week mate. If people can’t see it as a bit of a laugh then they are taking themselves a bit too seriously and want to lighten up a bit or lose the attitude.”
Emma Heywood: “I love it as always.”
Sophie Lee: “Great blog Mr. Peters. It was quite entertaining considering u weren’t ranting and raving lol Loved the Trigger/ Sugababes bit. I have a few people I would like to put on the small boat if there is room!”
*****
TV news…
I had no need to be worried about Benidorm (Friday night ITV1) maintaining the previous high standards – the first episode of the new series was in corking good form with a plethora of laugh-out-loud moments. I especially liked the visual gag on the back of one of the motor scooters. I couldn’t do it justice by explaining it here.
Harry Hill’s TV Burp is back (Saturday night ITV1) and I suspect it will feature all the usual comedy nonsense. I do have a particular affiliation with the show as one of the scriptwriters is an acquaintance of mine. The series has an extended 25-week run this time. Get in.
Never Mind The Buzzcocks (Thursday night BBC2) has also returned and – thankfully – without the smug, irritating Simon Amstell as host. They’re rotating the presenters, just like on Have I Got News For You, and I think the show will be better for it.
*****
Other news from the music world… B*Witched are to reform. The four-piece band, who crashed into the charts with their mix of Irish-laden pop-folk-cheese in the late 1990s, will be back this time as a trio.
I’m sure you’re thinking the same as me… No thanks.
*****
There was a bit of political chat in the blog last week – just doing my bit to educate you – and here is some more.
Comedy gold from the end of the Labour party conference with politicians and activists all queuing up to say they didn’t care that The Sun newspaper had switched allegiance and wouldn’t be backing them at the next election.
Gordon Brown said: “It is people that decide elections, not newspapers.” That indeed is true but for years in the mid-1990s, the Labour party moved heaven and earth to try and get The Sun to switch to Labour. Tony Blair even flew to America to meet the paper’s owner to kiss him on the backside.
The Sun, sensing the Tories had lost it, urged readers to vote Labour. The Labour party were joyous. It mattered to them a lot. Now they’ve had this toy removed from their pram, they’re rattled like a squealing baby, pretending it’s unimportant.
*****
Peter Mandelson, getting all irritated over breakfast at the conference, said: “Sun readers want a newspaper, not a propaganda sheet.” I’m sure he has no problems with the Daily Mirror, a staunch Labour supporter for decades, being a propaganda sheet for them.
The Sun, for all its faults, will not shy away from criticising the party it broadly supports. The Mirror writes how great Labour are and how rubbish the Tories are, regardless of the story. It is the ultimate propaganda sheet. Mandelson should remember that. And so should you if you read it.
*****
DJ Wanker got a little mention in the Mirror on Monday in the football pull-out section. Honestly, it’s true.
http://www.mirrorfootball.co.uk/opinion/columnists/3pm/The-wisdom-of-Graham-Taylor-and-Kevin-Ke…egan-3pm-s-wicked-whisper-and-daft-quotes-of-the-week-article179465.html
*****
Stolen from the letters page of Viz magazine:
“Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius.”
“I heard recently that, on average, Gordon Brown receives two turds in the post each week. What I want to know is……………. who’s sending the other one?”
*****
And finally… I like Derren Brown’s TV shows. He’s a real showman with what he does but I don’t really see all the fuss about him correctly predicting the lottery numbers the other week. I’ve had emails telling me I’ve won the Nigerian lottery on at least six occasions. All I had to do was send them my bank details and passwords. Simples!
Cheers for now,
Geoff / DJ Wanker
Leave a comment here or send feedback via Facebook or email
www.djwanker.com
www.facebook.com/djgeoffpeters
www.twitter.com/djwanker
The DJW blog is brought to you in association with:
Tantalize Beauty Salon, Madeley 01952 585853
http://tantalizesalon.blogspot.com
Silver Fish Chippy, Wellington 01952 254627
JJB Gym, Telford 01952 201113
www.jjbfitness.co.uk
Central Taxis 01952 50 10 50
www.501050.co.uk
For the best, sexiest bedroom furniture, check out…
www.slideandhide.co.uk
Sophie’s Choice Cleaning, Telford 01352 779099 / 07816 519627
www.sophieschoicecleaning.co.uk
To add your company here, please get in touch!
No comments:
Post a Comment