When I first moved back to Simi Valley, I made friends with a girl from work named Lisa. Lisa was another halfie (like myself) and loved dancing and drinking and dancing whilst drinking… we meshed well. It was not until a good month into our friendship in the middle of a conversation about , she blurts out…
“I’ve never had sex”.
My immediate response: Uhm, well…You’ve got to lose that. And quick.
Not that I’m promoting promiscuity but if you’re 23 and living with your parents and in community college for the fourth year without closing in on a degree, then you should have at least, for your dignity’s sake, pop your cherry.
The thing about Lisa wasn’t that she had never had the opportunity–which is always the case for girls–damn hollywood with their Nicholas Sparks novel-inspired movies (shakes fist). It was that she, well, coming from a small conservative town in Southern California always thought she would wait until marriage to have sex. It was then that I realized that we could never be friends…
…just kidding. But no, seriously, she needed to lose her virginity because and only because:
1)she was already S-ing the D
2)didn’t date Christian boys
I had to go into great detail explaining why that doesn’t make sense and for all you girls in high school/early college years who are doing the same thing as Poor Lisa, let me tell you, you’re being an idiot.
If you’re going to wait until marriage to have sex (it’s not my bag, but hey, whatever tickles your fancy) then you absolutely cannot make out in the dark, you cannot touch the sexy parts whilst pressing against each other in cars, and you cannot, absolutely CANNOT play a little game called “Solo Una Puntita.”
Because if Lisa wants to date a boy who isn’t Christian and who is getting his penis polished by everything but her pin cushion, he will leave her for someone who will give him that. Also, on the other end, if Lisa finds someone who wants to wait until marriage and mid-pre game, she’s like “Yeah. Do it,” he might just turn to her and go, “Uhm, no. How dare you suggest we do such a thing! We can never pre-game again.” (the latter would probably never happen, but if you were to find a boy who would willingly agree to have sex only after marriage, that reality would be a little more understandable. Plus I’ve heard horror stories)
After an hour of breaking it down and Lisa fighting me ever step of the way… I drew a diagram.
Lisa was going to have to make a decision right at that moment (mainly because I was making her) to jump the border. All or nothing. You can’t have your cake and eat it too (that was a ‘Holiday in the Sun’ reference, if you didn’t know).
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