This is an exerp from an article written on this subject. Maybe this will help someone who reads it to look at this issue from another perspective. It is borrowed with permission from the Author for this Blog;
“I didn’t know what to put in the subject line, but I thought that would get your attention to read this.. I don’t want to talk about this anymore as it is beating a dead horse, but I do have a few things to add that I hope will help you FINALLY OVERCOME this.
This may sound harsh, but it is reality. It came to me this morning that “you cannot afford this”.
I was pondering on what that meant and I was getting thoughts of a recovering alcoholic or gambling addict. Whenever they go off the wagon, there tends to be loss.
Whatever addiction, something bad happens.
You can’t afford what this does to you, me, our children.
One of the most stressful things I experience IS this issue or having to STILL contend with this . . . after PROMISES to the contrary. Then the LIES. YOU LIED TO ME!!! About something so AVOIDABLE and UNNECESSARY!!! Is it worth it???
How can it possibly be?
You said you “made a mistake”. A mistake is usually something unintentional. This does not fall into that category.
Then you try to put the guilt trip on me—to take the attention off of you when you threaten to kill yourself and put me out of my misery. YOU are not my misery—but this issue IS!
DO NOT DO THAT TO ME—I cannot worry that if you fall, you would actually consider killing yourself! What I said, I meant—I would never forgive you! I CANNOT TAKE THAT STRESS.
Is THAT worth it?
Most women just feel that if there husband is involved with porn, it is just something they have to deal with. Regardless, they feel they don’t have their husband’s total love and commitment. If they want to accept that—and have that type of marriage, that is their problem.
I don’t want to settle!
There are other ways of “disrespect”—emotionally is one. What I said last night,about nothing makes a wife feel more unattractive than her husband’s attraction to porn. It feels violating—adultering (yes—whenever a man looks upon a woman with lust)—humiliating- and “not good enough”.
Is THAT worth it?
It makes me feel like I am just a replacement for what you really want but can’t have. How could that possibly be worth it???
I want our time together to be between YOU and ME—not images going through your mind of what you have seen somewhere else or have the desire for. If you love me as much as you say you do, why on earth would you want to make me feel that way?
ACTIONS speak louder than words.
You said you “pull out old files”—old files fade—but when you “freshen them up” they will never fade. How can I compete with that?
How you handle it—I have no control over it, but you need to know how I handle it—and it isn’t very good! My heart was racing last night and I felt so anxious I could hardly breathe. Do you think that could possibly be good for me?? Again, I have to ask you—
is it worth it?
We all make mistakes and we all stumble, we all sin and are FAR from perfect, but this area is something YOU cannot afford!!!!
This problem effects US—other types of sin might be internalized, but not this. I truly feel that this problem affects every area of your life!
How would you feel if something bad happened on the heels of this?
You have GOT to get victory over this!
This is one well of wickedness you, personally, cannot afford to keep dipping in. Do I have your attention?
Whenever you are tempted—you have to ask yourself—
can I afford this and is this worth it??
Somehow, I think if you would just ask yourself those two questions—the temptation will flee if you actually go over the ramifications in your mind BEFORE you do it. Are you, at least WILLING to ask yourself those things BEFORE you start your “surfing”?
This isn’t a game. I love you so much and I want to not have this one thing to not have to worry about ANYMORE. Can you understand that? My heart hurt so bad last night after I asked you and you lied to me! I think the lying shocked me. It felt like I was going to have a heart attack. Are “images” worth that??
Is lying to me worth that?
God may take me from you someday, but I don’t want it to be prematurely.
I love you and I always will, but this can wear away at what we have and make me old and unable to trust you in maybe something of vital importance. Please, I beg you—before you “go there” in your mind, heart or internet—please, please ask yourself these two questions—can I afford this and is it worth it?”
If this is you…please consider the ramifications of your actions
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