douce… yes… it is nice… oui… like a breath of fresh air after an intensely toxic forest fire… my parched seared lungs need to breathe again… but it comes in such a way as to reflect the rest of my life – nothing is easy, normal or conventional, abt my life is it?… i wld not exchange it for the world, dont mistake, but it is very very very tiring, to be different, to drive against the flow of traffic, to fly against the winds… literally… i just want to lie down somewhere soft, comfortable, and rest…
but yet for now i m thankful for my breath of fresh air… it gives me a sliver of hope… that perhaps just perhaps i can leave the terror and desolation behind…
he calls himself “blue blur k” ? what a laugh… this man is not at all ‘blur’ – he knows what he is and how women fall prey to his charms… decrepit as he is now, he is still somehow extremely attractive to unsuspecting females… all i can say is i wish him well – no, not that he can achieve as many free fucks as he can get in this sordid little lifetime, but that he can find some kind of resolution for his soul and light for his spirit… i mourn for the spoilage of such pristine innate beauty… ah, musicians, how enigmatic we are, how dark and twisted yet inexpicably attractive we seem to be… but u see, i never set out to deceive, to me, every word he uttered was truth, i believed… yet to him, it was just a twisted game in his life of playing out fantasies… yes i do approve of his choice of bimbos and sluts – he is right, these women move on faster, they are less devastated, becos they play the same game…
i m from another world, a different time and space…
but naive and gauche… i hope pixie face isnt playing the same game that is all… no matter what happens, i dont wish to be deceived again… the feeling of self hatred and shame is far greater than finding out how evil the other person has been… the latter one can shake off after some time, but the pain and damage from the former lives on and on and on, replaying like a haunting melody inside the head…
douce… for now… but dangerous, pixie, this is dangerous, to begin to trust and hope… and perhaps even love…
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