So, it’s been a while since I decided to begin my blog. Actually, since I began I’ve thought a few times about just ditching it completely.
But you know what? That growth process and life and My Road to FREEDOM is absolutely amazing and I MUST tell the story. There are so many parts. I mean, in the last 2.5 months, I officially resigned from the church of my youth (cultish in the process of self-removal as it was . . . .), I got tattood with a BEAUTIFUL, deeply meaningful tattoo in a place that I see daily & reminds me daily how beautiful I am and that my new motto is life is that I’ll let NO ONE F**K with me! It’s amazing, actually. And with each daily recgonition, another feather is added to the butterfly wings that allow me to enjoy this ever-changing view from the air! Life will never be the same and it is amazing!
So, I’m getting a little ahead of myself. What I want to write about today is my relationships with MEN! LOVE men BUT I’m just learning the rules. Not THE rules. Today, I realized that I have the freedom to create MY rules. And I feel soooo good!
Here’s the history. Just after my soon-to-be husband left & I didn’t let him come back, I started talking with a man I feel very attracted to online. NO! I never met him. And that’s why I haven’t talked to him for the last 3 weeks — until today. And, in the interim (about a month ago) my friends hooked me up with a great guy that I’m very attracted to.
Here’s the rub! Never met the internet guy (although we seemed to be headed in that direction) because Mr Face-to-Face told me on our FIRST DATE that if he is dating me, it doesn’t work for him if I am seeing other people. WHAAATTT??? Get this — I’m not wanting to run around being sexually free with every man I meet — but I DID feel uncomfortable. How could a guy I’ve just met expect me to cut off all of my other options from the get-go? Well . . . . I did it in spite of my better judgment. Dumped Mr. Internet — even though we were able to talk deeply about so many things and I LOVED the way he pushed me to go deeper inside myself and share that with him.
BUT . . . . Mr. Face-to-Face has a very busy, complicated life. Translation: Doesn’t call when he says he will. Sends a text a few days later saying sorry and asking forgiveness. Ok the first few times. Gets irritating after a month with several requests for forgiveness. I’ve been thinking for about a week that I might have just walked into Mr. Face-to-Face’s life at the WRONG TIME!!!! Ya think???
Especially when I’ve just released myself from tightly wound silk strings that bound me!!!
So, today I realized that I’ve been thinking about Mr. Internet A LOT. I text him. Turns out he hasn’t called for 3 weeks because he lost his phone with my number in it and I dumped him. Of course, he did call once to confront my txt that cut him loose before he lost his phone. He was right to confront it — but the way he did it didn’t leave me with warm/fuzzy feelings toward him. Then the ball dropped. Call me gullible if you want for believing his story about the lost phone — I’m not saying I believed him. I just needed to set the record straight on a few things. And I did. And I opened a door with him again. And I felt FREEEEE!!!!
I’m not mad at anyone. Mr Face-to-Face may or may not call again. I don’t even care! Mr. Internet and I might not ever be able to get past his disappointment that I told him I only wanted friendship. I don’t care!
All I know is that I’m free to make my own choices! It’s a GREAT BIG OCEAN with LOTS of FISH and I’m going to have LOTS of fun fishing!
Rules: DON’T commit to dating only one man — that’s when obsession begins!
DO respect my body and wait to share it until I KNOW I’m understood at my deepest level and THAT IT MATTERS to the man I’m thinking of sharing myself with.
DON’T kiss and tell!!! — Unless you can do it anonymously on a blog!!! tee hee!!!
DO have FUN! Enjoy life! Listen to myself and REVEL in the gifts life offers! JOY!
I am just one woman and I am in LOVE with my process of freeing up my free spirit with feather butterfly wings!
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